Dreams

untold conversations_8

15.7.21 after midnight as usual.

- The kolapam pudicha " Kalayanam aasai "  Phase.

1) I am loosing my sleep.
2) I can't focus on my college works completely.
3) YouTube and Instagram is showing me all sorts of wedding videos even when I didn't search for them.
4) I am uselessly looking at jewels and dresses to buy, even though I don't need them.
5) I am restless thinking that something is going to happen.

You can also see how jobless I am that This type of letters are becoming more frequent. I am going mad! I am writing letters for a future person who doesn't exist in my life right now!!!

I don't know if you can understand this feeling. I wasn't someone who was so into getting married. But now a days, when I talk with my friends, somehow we end up in the topic about marriage. My friends are singing - unnaku kalyana vayasu vandhruchu d, un mogathula kalyana kala theriyudhu.

It's like my life has constricted to this one part called marriage, and I don't even care about my research as much as I should. This scares me.

You know they say, only when you stop looking for love, you will get it. Only when you stop looking for relationship, you will get into one.

But what if I am looking and waiting for it everyday , I can't stop myself from waiting or expecting. Will you still show up soon?

I AM RESTLESS.

Are you going through this too?

Looking at random people wedding videos and day dreaming all day, wasting away research time, and still not being a bit worried about college work. At this rate I can say good bye to my 9.78 gpa in the next semester.

Also recently one of my best friend's alliance got fixed. She is a texting person. But she can text for hours together. It seems her fiance isn't responding to her texts well. They just talk about what they ate and that's it.

This feels so uncomfortable for me. Because this period from when the match got fixed till their engagement is a precious time for communication, to see if they are really compatible with each other , to know that person's real character. And she wants to communicate, he isn't responding well, she isn't being vocal about this , there is some block.

Another one of my friends in kerala also got her match fixed, she talks 13 hours a day in phone with her fiance.

Some people like texting, some prefer call. But knowing what the other person is comfortable with and being helpful for them to open up is very important.

Usually during this period, both the sides will be much interested in talking, so communication will happen naturally. When it doesn't, one should be bold enough to ask for it.

In my best friend's case, they text like only three times a day, she has some expectations on him, like she wants to take care of her parents in her future, she is scared that this might not happen. Because of this fear, she isn't enjoying this period. She is also not bold enough to voice out this concern.

Don't worry about me, I am fully prepared on everything that should be cleared before we even start our relationship. Being shy won't help at all. I should be bold and talk about everything from my career and dreams in the first meet itself. I would be prepared with a list of questions. But they say, at that moment when  I meet you, I will forget all those list. Let's see if I really forget what ever I plan to do.

By the time you are reading all these, we might have become close. Because All this writings are very personal to me. And if I trust you enough to share these, then we must definitely be close.

Are you a call person or texting person? , I am okay with both. But at night my parents might snatch away my phone If I am caught talking in my phone, so late night, texting is the only option. Who knows suddenly they might allow to talk all day also.

Will we be the ones texting all night? Or will we beat the 13 hours call record?

I am tired of talking to myself. Why am I rehearsing all these things!!!! Please show up soon! Idiot!

No, Don't show up soon, I need to complete my second year of M. Arch.

No, Show up soon. But let me complete my M. Arch also. Let's be in a relationship, but I should complete my course also.

I am going mad! Save me!