Not So Perfect

Chapter 25

He had always been a player, he would never change - I knew deep down he wouldn’t ever change but I chose to ignore it, how wrong I was.

I was currently at home still shocked from it, it hadn’t fully sunk in and my mother hovered worriedly around me. I couldn’t understand why he would do that.... He had changed so much since he came back. I knew that too but I chose to ignore it again – too pleased with the fact that he was actually back. I wanted it to work so bad but he….he would always be a player.

“Dinner,” my mum called from the kitchen, her voice was timid as if afraid of my actions but I heaved myself to the chair feeling as if I weighed a thousand tons. She tried to make conversation but I didn’t respond too mixed in by my own thoughts. It was rude but at that moment, I didn’t care, I was tired of trying too hard for everything to be perfect and good when even I knew that that was impossible so instead when I finished forcing myself to eat I went straight to my room but when I tried to fall asleep I couldn’t turn my body off even though I felt tired, my mind was constantly thinking about them kissing – my own best friend cheating on someone who I cared for so much and yet she still kissed him. 

Hadn’t that even crossed his mind? Me? His closest friend? And what Aiden announced? I didn’t want this new look, as much as Aiden wanted, I just wanted to be myself...

When the morning came I had had hardly any sleep. As soon as I unwillingly opened my eyes at 6 o clock in the morning – an hour earlier before I should’ve got up – the memories came straight back to me like a tidal wave and reality smashed back into me. It was a horrible feeling so I got up sluggishly – I felt like I hadn’t slept at all and pulled a oversized hoodie onto me and my usual skinny jeans, keeping my hair free I couldn’t even be bothered to brush it, my makeup I tried putting concealer but it felt too hard to raise my hand – it was pathetic – I felt stupid and weak so I gave up and walked downstairs to see my mum busy bustling around the kitchen, she stopped when she saw me blinking.

“What are you doing up?” she asked. “I thought you would stay at home?”             

I shrugged and set up my usual cereal attire. My mum watched my every more and shook her head to herself before continuing her paperwork. She seemed busier than usual but I didn’t question it.

When I entered the school, stares looked my way so boldly that I couldn’t even force myself to walk to class so instead I hurried to toilets and hid in the stalls until the bell went and hurried to class again before I was late.

Aiden was in this class and he waved at me to join him frowning at my fashion style but I ignored him I couldn’t handle his 20 questions so I sat right at the back next to some unfortunate soul. He shifted as far as he could but didn’t make any eye contact. Gladly I tried to focus on class and it actually helped, because I was concentrating so much I was able to follow the teacher and did more work than usual – the teachers in each lesson cast curious looks at my sudden interest but wouldn’t say anything to me.

By the time lunch came, my mind was pretty distracted and I tried to busy myself with math’s equations as I walked across to get lunch – it worked, sure I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going but I got to the café without noticing the looks like usual. When I brought lunch I saw Sage sitting with Tori at a two seated table, they looked deep in conversation and it distracted me from my fractions in my head. I paid for my lunch and as boldly as I could strolled past them out the café doors, I didn’t think they would notice but it was worth the shot.

Unfortunately though, I saw Aiden making his way to me so I hurried away and walked to the nearest girls toilets and luckily he didn’t follow inside – not that it would have fazed him to walk into a girls toilets he was gay after all – so I was able to eat lunch alone.