Apathetic Aggressive (Levi X Reader)

▼ The Office ▼

The next few days were rather quiet. Although Levi seemed to be okay with his whole squad dying, you couldn't help but feel ashamed every time you looked at him. Still, he went on with life and still went to meetings regarding findings and the next expedition.

You walk down the dark, cold, stone hallway in the dead of night. You finally built up some courage and decide to visit Levi in his room. You approach his door and freeze the moment your hand makes contact with the dark wood of the door.

"Crap... Maybe I should have waited until it was morning..." You whisper ever so quietly as a voice on the other side of the door calls you in.

"F/N?" Levi asks, sounding almost surprised by your appearance. 

"Levi... Hey.. I uh.." You try to say why you are here but pause when you yourself realise you don't know exactly why you came here either. You wanted to check up on the captain but you also wanted to vent to him. You wanted to pull him into another nice, comforting hug but, you also wanted to yell at him and scream at him for being so heartless and not caring that his entire squad had just died not too long ago. And for a moment, you feel like asking, no... Demanding him to resign from the scouts and live somewhere further within the walls. The why of that last thought was blurred for you. You know damn well he is amazing when it comes to fighting. They don't call Levi "humanities strongest" for nothing. But did you want him to be safe and hide back in the walls? Why? Why would you want him to be safe? Why do you want to protect him? Why does the thought of knowing he is safe, put your mind at ease? With all these conflicting thoughts and emotions rattling around in your head, you don't seem to notice Levi who has been staring at you for probably a good minute or two by now.

"F/N?" Levi asks again, this time more cautiously and calmer.

"I... It's nothing... I don't know why I came here... Sorry.." You say as you begin to turn around to walk out.

"F/N. If you've got something to say... Say it. Now." Levi demands as you stop and clench your fists, looking down, with your back still facing the Captain. In an instant your turn around and begin storming towards Levi's desk. You slam your hands down, flat on the dark wood and glare at him.

"What is wrong with you?" You almost scream out at him. "Do you even care?! Your whole squad just got murdered by some psycho bitch in a titan and what?! You don't even bat an eye at that! Do you not care about anybody else other than yourself?! Would you have even cared if I had died?! Oh no! I suppose everyone who dies inst a real loss! As long as it's not Eren right?!" You yell as tears well up in the corners of your eyes. "You could at least pretend to care!" You yell whilst Levi just sits and stares at you silently. "Say something! Do anything! Yell at me! Hit me! Just do something! Please... Why don't you do anything?.." You ask as you collapse to your knees with your head in your crossed arms that still lay on the desk. "Dammit!" You yell as you hear footsteps walking around the side of the desk and stop right next to you.

A hand gently falls onto your shoulder and you glance to your side to find Levi, once again, kneeling beside you with a hand on your shoulder. He looks calm, too calm, almost as if he were expecting this from you.

"Why?.." You whisper. "Why don't you show your emotions? I know you're hurting. I know what I said didn't make anything better... I'm sorry.. Please... Talk to me."

"F/N... I learnt a long time ago that emotions... Feeling.. It doesn't make anything easier. I am Levi Ackerman. Humanities strongest... Or so they say. If I let my emotions take control of me... Then I can't be what everyone needs. The people need a hero or some sign to know that there is still hope. Not some scarred, broken, baggage. And if that's what humanity needs. Then I cannot allow myself to be weak or let emotions cloud my judgement. If I do, I become just like everyone else. And I refuse to be the reason humanity loses hope." Levi states in his normal tone.