The ride back to the walls is dangerous and loud, titans following and soldiers crying as they dump the bodies of their dead friends to distract the titans. But for you, the ride was silent. You blocked out all the noise around you as you stared at Levi's back the entire way back to the wall. By the time Levi had regrouped with the rest of the survivors with Eren and Mikasa, you had gotten on a spare horse and rode silently behind him the whole time. You don't speak to him and he doesn't speak to you.
"Dammit... I should have been the one to die.... Not all of them. Why? Out of everyone in the squad... The two rookies who had never been outside the walls were the only two to survive. If only I had distracted the titan and led it away while the others escaped..." You think to yourself, still staring at Levi's back. "But... I have to live on... For them.. But what can I say to Levi that wont put me in an even earlier grave?" You ask yourself as you sort through all of your conflicting thoughts and emotions.
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You sit quietly at the end of the table in the old castle Levi's squad had inhabited while Levi sits at the other end. You are both eating the leftovers Levi and Petra had made the previous night.
"I''ll put this on ice for when we get back." You remember Petra saying with a smile as she took the soup down to the basement. You cant help but let a small laugh out as you stare down at the food.
"Something wrong F/N?" Levi asks bluntly as you shoot your gaze to him. You keep quiet as you examine his face, looking for all the signs of anger, sadness or even at least hate but.... No such expressions laid on his face.
"Levi I... I'm-"
"Don't." Levi states as he cuts you off. "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. They knew what they were doing so don't think for a second that all of their deaths are on you. Their deaths are on me. Don't beat yourself up for something that could not be changed. There was nothing you could have done to change the outcome of today. None of us were prepared or have been trained to handle... Titans like that." He informs as he places his teacup on the table.
"But Levi.. I. There must have been something I could have done!" You ask desperately.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Levi asks.
"If I could have distracted it or led it away. Maybe they would have had enough time to escape." You say as you hit the side of your fist on the table out of frustration and anger. Levi lets out a sigh as he stands up and walks over to you. He kneels down on one knee and you turn to face him.
"She would have gone after Eren anyway, and they would have protected Eren anyway." Levi states as he points over to Eren who is sitting at the middle of the table, silently, looking down.
"I hate this..." You say in a whisper as these new feelings of guilt and regret cloud your mind.
"Don't begin to doubt your actions today." Levi says as he clicks his tongue and rubs his thumb over your cheek. You hold his hand to the side of your face with one of yours as you lean into the touch. You let out a relaxed sigh as you try to forget about the previous events of the day.
"Levi..." You say quietly as you look down at him from your chair.
"Don't thank me. I just don't want you to be losing it right now." He states as he takes his hand away and stands up. Quickly, you stand up and wrap your arms around is chest, pulling him into a tight hug. Levi stands, shocked, for a moment before slowly hugging you back lightly.
"Thank you." You whisper into his shoulder. "Really... If it weren't for you... I'd probably be punching a tree until every bone in my hands broke right now.." You say as you hug him tighter.
Still hugging you with one arm, Levi lifts an arm up to slowly rub his hand over your head. He holds you a little longer before you both break the hug. "If you ever need to talk." He whispers. "I'm always here to listen and help you." He states as he caresses your cheek again. "Go get some rest. You seem to need it." He whispers again as you smile at each other before you leave the room.
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~Raven
YOU ARE READING
Apathetic Aggressive (Levi X Reader)
Fiksi PenggemarYou were captain of a squad that had been permanently stationed in the Utopia district up in the north. One day, after causing a considerable amount of trouble, you were told by your higher ups that you would be a part of a different squad down in t...
