Written In Reverse

Part 5

JEMA'S POV

It's day 3 na namin sa condo and in 4 days magsisimula na yung training.

And that means the dreaded lock-in.

We've been making wild wild love these past few days. Minsan 3 or more times a day pa nga.

I miss my family badly but it's nice to have our own space again.

I've missed hearing our moans echoing throughout the condo without having to worry na baka may maka rinig.

I know Deanna and I have some unresolved issues especially tungkol dun sa mga pinag awayan namin while nasa Laguna kami. Usually kasi pag nag-aaway kami, we clear our heads muna and be alone for a while before discussing it once we've both calmed down.

But dun sa Laguna, we have no choice but to downplay our fights kasi nakakahiya naman sa family ko na nakikitang nag away kami ni Deanna.

Dito naman sa condo, walang gustong mag bring up ng issues na yon kasi baka magkasagutan lang kami eh limited pa naman yung time namin bago mag simula yung training.

We're both afraid to rock the boat kaya we disregard our negative feelings and act like everything is fine.

Alam ko hindi ito healthy but now is not really the right time. Siguro after ng conference nalang.

The thing is, it's really starting to eat me from the inside. I can tell its weighing Deanna down too.

I mulled over it for a while habang nanonood kami ng movie ni Deanna.

Should I bring it up para gumaan na yung mga loob namin before training? Or should I hold my damn peace kasi nga baka mas mag away pa kami.

There's also something else bothering me.

It just dawned on me that I will never have a normal family if I stay with Deanna.

Could we even save up enough to do IVF treatment in case gusto namin magka anak in the future? I heard its very expensive kaya mahirap sya ma afford if we spend our savings on buying a new house.

Tapos itong si Deanna panay gastos. She doesn't realize na our window is limited.

We have to save up for the IVF habang nasa tamang edad pa kami. Once we're past 40 years old, mahirap na mabuntis nyan.

Hindi naman pwedeng ipag paliban yung bahay kasi importanteng may stable home yung bata pag nakataon.

And speaking of bata, pano naman sya? Baka ma bully lang sya sa school because of having a different family. Hindi naman kami 24/7 na makakasama nya if mag-aaral na sya.

Diba kawawa naman if sa kanya mababaling yung pangungutya at panghuhusga ng mga tao because of a decision WE made.

The kid has no control over what kind of life he will be born into and might end up resenting us for not being able to provide a normal family.

Yeah I know masyadong advance yung pag-iisip ko but then again, ang dali nlng ng panahon ngayon. Before I know it, i'll be in my late twenties so mas mabuting may plans parin talaga.

Ano kaya magiging future namin ni Deanna?

Napag usapan na naman namin before pero pansin ko parang ako lang palagi yung may suggestions and she goes along with whatever it is.