Call It What You Want (BounPrem-Reimagined)

xvii

Do you ever create these scenes in your head where you start to think about the stuff that you'd tell someone and the things that you want to do with them when you two see each other again just because you thought that you two built this certain bond the day before? Like, you're really looking forward for your next interaction with this person because you just like being around them and you swear to whatever god it is out there that it felt so balanced - like it's a mutual thing going on, only to be disappointed because somehow, right after that encounter, right when you've got your hopes up high, they just grow cold towards you - as if that little interaction that you've shared was just some interaction to them and it wasn't anything special at all.

Well, that's exactly what I'm dealing with for the past few days. Really, what did I expect? For something pretty to flourish between Prem and I after that dinner that we shared?

You know what? Yes. That's exactly what I was expecting to happen after that night. But actually, things remained the same around the house - as if nothing happened.

The morning when I woke up and basically got dumped on my ass to the floor by my own surprised self, I genuinely freaked the fuck out as soon as I realized that we I slept on the same bed. The thing is, I freaked out because of the thought of not knowing. Like I said before, I hate being clueless and confused. I didn't freak out to the thought of having an intimate night with a guy, no. I freaked out because for a second there, I thought I became just like one of those assholes who fucks mindlessly due to their intoxicated state.

I don't want that. Especially not with Prem.

But boy, oh, boy, am I too unlucky when it comes to feelings and loving someone.
This may seem absurd and illogical but that kid, Prem, he's just someone special to me. Sure, we met in such a weird way but he just managed to get through me. He, without knowing it, made his own way to my mind and in my heart - and yikes, that sounded cheesy as fuck - but it's true.

It's weird, really. Months ago, I was convinced that all the bliss and all my firsts, I experienced them with Samantha but now, I just can't help but to cringe at myself for even thinking that. It's clear to me now that I really wasn't in love with her.

I was in love with the thought of someone reciprocating my feelings.

But with Prem, it's different. I'm in love with the thought of him. I'm in love with his quirks. I'm in love with his thoughts. I'm in love with his words. I'm in love with his stories. I'm in love with his eyes. I'm in love with his presence. I'm in love with him.

Is that strange? Often do I see people saying that it isn't ideal to fall for someone you haven't fully met but is that really the true scale of your feelings? Of love? Can't you love someone just because? Can't you love them just because you feel your guts twisting and turning whenever you're with them? Can't it be love just because you physically cannot stand the fact that you cannot be with them for a long period of time? Can't it be love even though you get all giddy and stupid-looking whenever they send you cheesy texts?

If love truly is more complex than that, then I don't know how to tell if you've already fallen in love.

Anyways, the good thing that came up with me admitting my corny feelings towards the boy is the fact that I'm just so inspired to do anything - not just writing, though. Anything. So much feelings and inspiration have been pouring on me ever since I met Prem. Literally. I started writing decently right after I met him in the bar, I started seeing the good in actually going out, I now appreciate conversing with my parents (even though they could still be a pain from time to time), I started accepting change, and I learned how to appreciate the littlest things, in general. So with that, this is the only time that I'd be thanking my brother for being too persistent in dragging me out of my own house.