Call It What You Want (BounPrem-Reimagined)

xxv

Before I knew it, the sun had already rode down, the dim room making my eyes and head hurt. With so much hesitation and internal debate, I decided to stop reading for the mean time and just take a long and highly-needed shower. Placing the books neatly on my bedside drawer, I went to grab a clean change of clothes, not bothering to look for a shirt because you know too damn well that I'd wear Kellin's sweater that night.

The shower consisted of two things: my mind wandering elsewhere and my skin being put under a great shock as the temperature of the flowing water changed drastically. I wasn't aware that I've been standing there for that long. The constant rush of thoughts made it feel like I was there for a good five minutes but I guess these emotions could only be so deceiving.

I feel like I recklessly threw myself under an unexpected and unwanted autopilot setting. I am overwhelmed with the stuff that I've just read in my book - words coming from me, through Kellin and back to me. It is as if my supposed lover surprised me with his confession of an undying love of some sort. It's sad, though. Knowing that maybe we're just a horrible case of a bad timing. Why do I have to see those right when he decided to leave? Damn it.

The following days are consisted of me forcing myself to get up and be productive, that's it. I told myself that that's all that I'd have to force myself to do and by the end of a day, if I'm satisfied with the outcome of whatever I did with my time, I swore that I'd give myself a reward - no matter what that may be.

Somehow, there was a time when Fluke managed to convince me to have another meeting, to maybe fix our schedule for the following month. But the supposed whole-day meeting ended up to be four whole hours of Fluke kindly tolerating my glum-ass mood while I consistently just nodded to whatever it was that he was saying. He eventually told me to just rest for the remainder of the day and reminded me to call him once I feel like going back to my usual jive. I felt guilty with how I am with him today, surely he could've spent his day better but he still stuck around with me and my whiny ass.

"Sorry, Tone." I mumbled, shaking my head as I walked him to my front door, ready to say goodbye and go back to my cocoon upstairs.

"It's fine, man." He chuckled. "It's not like this entire thing is new to me anyways." He mumbled the last part but I heard it clear as day. It was a comment, it might be a lousy joke, an unintentional remark, I don't know. I know what he means, though. I know it, too. This also feels like a horrible deja vu to me, it feels like I'm in a wheel and once again, I'm back at the very bottom of it as it turned. The thing is, I can't be mad at my friend. Rather, it only made me extra guilty. Fluke is my only true friend that I could actually count on any time of any day and I feel like I overstepped the boundary separating friendship and work, personal stuff and job, which is what I've always been trying to avoid ever since.

"Anyways, I better get going." Fluke bid, still smiling at me as he went for the door.

"Tone, d'you maybe want to hang out tonight? Go out and grab a drink?" I asked, hopeful for a positive response, to be honest. I know Fluke's the kind of guy that would rather stay at home after a long day but I also know that he might be getting sick of drinking with me here in my depressing house, so might as well take him out, in that way, we'd both be able to get out of this place.

"I don't know.." He looked like he's really thinking about it and to be honest, it kind of stung. He's looking at me as if mentally predicting that if he'd go with me, I'd still continue being a whiny, sad, heartbroken man.

"I'll bring Ohm with me." I proposed and I know that he'll easily agree now that I pulled out the Ohm card. Besides, it might feel kind of lonely if it were just the two of us.

"Um, yeah, sure, I guess." He tried to act casual about it, shaking his head, a brighter smile now on his face.

"Great. We'll pick you up later, around 9?"