really? • taennie

066 - Strange

After riding Hanbin's getaway car, Jennie kept pushing herself that everything was normal. That same afternoon, she came to rehearsals for their Thailand concert and immediately flew to Bangkok in the evening for their multiple-day shows.

Despite going separate ways on the beach she once called their special place, Jennie kept mum about the uncertainty of what they are going through to everyone. She was being teased by her members and their staff whenever her phone beeps or rings, playfully saying her boyfriend must have been so clingy to her for being far and busy that he had to check her up every time she took a break. She always shrugs it with a smile, denying he was clingy, and that she was just talking to her mom who kept saying Jennie has to cheer on Lisa for performing on her hometown.

But in reality, she was talking to Hanbin, who checks up on her ever since he dropped her off. She was always insisting she was okay, that he should stop worrying, that all will be alright... and that he shouldn't tell anyone that she's not in good terms with Taehyung as of the moment. Hanbin always says he's her best friend, and it's not in his place to share something that isn't his story, so the secret is safe with him. He even offered to talk to Taehyung, but she refused. Hanbin can be overprotective and aggressive sometimes. She's seen it once with Mino, when Jennie told her they ended what they had and Hanbin thought Mino cheated. She defends Taehyung: she knows he needed time to think. That she won't reach out to him until he's ready. That she tries to understand him. On one of their video calls, Hanbin rolls his eyes on her, ridiculing her as a 'martyr,' keeping her in check of being that friend who falls in love deeply so easily. He would even demand, "Would've been nice to communicate than assume, that's all. Sometimes, stretching time doesn't make you heal the wounds; when untreated, it cuts it deeper."

But still, she tried the hardest to be patient. She knew a day would suffice. After making her leave the town without her, she's certain Taehyung would make up his mind. But a day later, even just a short apology, even a message, or a missed call... nothing came from him. She was growing more frustrated as the days go by, and all the relief from the secrecy she held for herself, Hanbin was the only one available to listen to her rants, frustrations, even the cries at night. She was afraid this was going nowhere. That she couldn't expect Taehyung to reach out anymore. At first, she still wanted to believe in her words—that Taehyung was not ready yet, that he was just making sure, that he was just afraid to hurt her—but on the last day of their concert, with still the no-contact Taehyung bothering her mind, she finally said she had enough. And so at the final day of their Thailand leg, her Solo performance became more heartfelt. With angst. With more feeling.

And on the same night when they flew back to South Korea, it only took the short flight for her to shake her hyped-idol after-concert energy.

She stepped off of the plane and into Korean land again, feeling numb.

[January 15, 2019]

They got home in the dawn, and despite it being the eve of her birthday, she stuck on her bed all day long and only came out when she had to pee.

Her members were laid back just like her: whenever she came out of her room on its rarities, the girls were either cooking something on the kitchen, or watching TV on their couch, with Rosé and Lisa occasionally arguing in their childlike voice. Each one knows to respect each other's alone time, and she was grateful for that day for her members because unspeakable things were weighing her down. Since in pain emotionally and physically, she had no power to confront her problems. At least for now. She decides her birthday gift for herself is a lazy day.