really? • taennie

065 - Falling

It took him a full minute before realizing what his heart wants to do.

He was hesitating the whole day, until he came come last night. He was uncertain with a lot of things since last night, and he did want to clear things up, but he was so scared of what she may think about him once he tells her the truth. He really wanted to try, but he knew he was making a mistake. But he was distant because he was confused as well. But finally, a part of him finally moved to the right direction. He rushed inside his car and came after them..

As he was driving, he tried so hard not to exceed the speed limit. He felt he needed the driving time to think about the right words to say to her. He didn't even hear the radio singing Bigbang's Stupid Liar to him. ♫ I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupiiiiid in loooooove ♫ He didn't know what to say, or how to start. Or what to say first. Isn't that the same thing? Fuck! Whatever. At least he'll try to set things straight. Once he gets her, he's sure he'll have the right words to begin their conversation with.

There were already a few cars along with him in the highway. Some people are probably going to work, transferring things, going home... He tries to remember the car that took her away. Gray... Is it gray? Maserati... He's so much better than me--SHUT UP. He will be if you stop driving. But his mind teases him of the things that happened yesterday. The dining table, the drive, the way back home, the girl... her...

And then he finally saw from a few meters, a gray car on the side of the road. The driver's car opens, with a familiar man coming out of it, going to the shotgun, opening the car, and leaning in. He parks his car behind it and unbuckles his seatbelt to come out.

But Taehyung stops as he sees Kim Hanbin opening his back hood to get something. Hanbin runs in small steps back on the side of the open shotgun, bringing a box of tissues and another box with a ribbon to the front seat. He squats in front of the seat, pulls a few tissue papers, but before he even gives it, a pair of arms hug him. Taehyung watches as Hanbin hugs her back.

Taehyung stares at the scene, the thread of thought of uncertainty back again, adding up, messing up his mind. He couldn't understand what he was watching, or what he should feel about it. Was he supposed to blame someone? Maybe yourself, because you let her drive with him.

Or maybe the nostalgia, that made him hesitate in the first place.

But whatever the reason may be, that made them apart like this... This still breaks his heart.

And certainly, for him, this one is on him.

"I told you to be honest with me, right?" Jennie lies down beside him again after drinking the last makgeolli bottle bottoms up. He only laughs at the sight, because she didn't want to be pulled away from her so-called 'companion all night' when he tried to get it from her earlier. He hasn't seen a girl drink like this, but he lets her do what she wants to.

"That's what you said when we talked in your bedroom, too. That's why I said why I said just now."

She giggles and looks up at the ceiling, with Asian blush at her dumpling cheeks. Taehyung suddenly craves for Korean dumplings in chili sauce even though he didn't like spicy food that much. He lies on his side to see her better. She was still smiling. But shortly, she suddenly frowns. "I won't remember a thing you'll say tonight."

"What?" He chuckles.

"I'm going to be honest with you." She was talking in slurred, but he still waits. "Since you told me about your first love."

"Why? You'll be telling me about yours?" She nods repeatedly. "Who is it, that bastard you met from New Zealand?" She hits her mouth. "Ouch!"

"No bad words!" She slightly opens her eyes. "No, that's a 강아지 (gangaji) love. Puppy. Love. That's stupid."

"You're really drunk, aren't you?" He chuckles again. "If not him... then, is it Song Mino?"

But Jennie just laughs. And it's longer than the laughs she's had before. And he laughs with her, despite feeling wary.

Then she slowly stops laughing and sighs.

"Kim Hanbin."

Suddenly?

"It's Kim Hanbin..." Her eyes closing, hands weakly reaching out to the floor, then to him. But she succumbs to alcohol and dozes off facing him.

Taehyung can only hear Jennie's soft breath, and the vibration of his own phone on his pocket. "Kim Hanbin?"

Suddenly it makes sense.

His frequent presence. His occasional involvement with her. Their strong bond. Their IG conversations. The reason why, in the first place, he was already curious and doubting of Hanbin. Although he already felt close to him, now... this is just heartbreaking for him. Maybe, he didn't just really see it in the first place.

Kim Hanbin was her first love.