To Mend A Soul

~ 2 ~

The Letter

 ✠

The wedding was over, the last bridge to cross was crossed, and now we're on day one of living like a family....not that we were doing the same before the marriage. But now...things are different. I feel like I might get a chance. Maybe it's time I broke down the last few walls I've held up with everyone, and I move on. I just have to try harder. 

I woke up exasperated from the terrible dream I had...the same one that still haunts me and for some reason, I can't get it to stop. It was 3:46 A.M. anyways. I decided to sneak out the window and head to the pier. There's a nice beach there, but it's nothing like the one back home. This one was polluted, and crowded, and known. It was a calm and beautiful beach with no footprints in sight during the early hours when it's close, but let it open, jeez its a fucking supermarket. I put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and grab my skateboard. I open out my window and begin my climb out to the roof, slowly trailing down the pipe and jumping onto the ground. I was pretty much used to this now that I've been doing this a while. 

I skate my way through the cobalt blue skies, letting the breezing air from the speed of my skateboard blow in my face and fly my hair out like a kite. I loved skateboarding. It was like the few minutes when you didn't feel time fly by or worry about anything in the world. You didn't have to stop for no one. You didn't have to worry about anyone. Just an easy glide of living.

About 10 minutes of skating and I reach the pier. Barbed wire fenced the entrance but who said I was going to take that route? There was a light sleeping guard on duty. I silently make my way around the corner to the 'staff only' entrance, where the lifeguards are at. I toss my skateboard over and jump over the 6'5 tall door and land softly onto the sand. I duck at first in case there are any security guards walking around flashing their torch light. When I find the coast is clear, I make my way to the shore in front of a Lifeguard Tower, in case I need to run and hide.

As I inch closer to the waves, I hear the sound of the sweet rock of the waves crashing on the sand, over and over again. Just pitch blackness, lit by the dancing of the moonlight on the waves from a distance. Thousands of stars lighting up the sky like diamonds on a black board. I sit there just before the wetting sand on my butt, calming in the peace of the atmosphere, how it reminded me of the good times, how it brought back my most favorite memories, how it helped me forget that I was alone. I didn't feel alone when I was with the waves. I felt connected. Somehow connected to my mom...connected to a source. A source that could follow wherever I went in the world and embrace me with the 'all is well' vibe.

I sit there watching the moon slowly descend down and the sun peak it's head up. I checked my phone to see it was 5:58 A.M. Shit! I have to get home before they know I'm gone. Elaine wakes up at 6:30 and i KNOW she comes into my room and gives me a forehead kiss every morning before work because I'll be awake and I'll pretend I'm not. It's sweet of her to love me like that...but I just wish Papa had felt the same for me. Papa was half my blood.

I walk my way back to the fence and get off as usual. Then I make my way back home to climb from the backyard, walk on the roof and into my bedroom. I hated to retreat back here. It felt like everything I just gained from the journey was coming to hit me back in the face, the overwhelming feeling of suffering just gnawing at my bones and my heart like there's no way out.

I prop my window up and quietly slide in. I pause for a second to hear any sign of movement. I think Elaine decided to get up early as I hear her swing the bathroom door open. I quickly change out of my clothes and shove them into my closet before messing up my hair a bit and slipping into the covers like I never left. I'm an expert at disguise. In fact I'm so good, I'm just about to convince a police officer that I never left. Shortly after what felt like a good 8 minutes I hear footsteps going from one room to the other for our line of 'unkown' forehead kisses. She just finished up with Marco and is heading my room. My door swung open and she silently inches towards me. Her hands brush down my hair so she could have a clear head to kiss. After that she leaves and closes the door. I open my eyes again when I'm sure she's gone. The light peeked from my window and made a beautiful reflection of it on my window. If that could be a canvas, god I could light the world with my art.