CRIPPLED: JULLIANNA (VUILLTRAEN SISTERS SERIES #1)

47

CLERKSHIP

"Kreanaseah Jullianna B. Vuilltraen, MD."

Felice read the name on my coat just above the pocket with the logo on it. I checked myself for the last time in front of the mirror. I grab my bag before slipping on my shoes. Sky opened the door and Felice followed her. They fetch me here in my condo today because today is our first day in clerkship. We are both excited and nervous at the same time so we decided to go to the hospital together.

Ate left after celebrating Christmas with me. She said she wanted to celebrate New Year with Papa. She even asked me to go with her upon going back to CDO, but like usual, I refused. Even the conversation we had, I can still remember clearly.

"Why don't you come with me? I'm sure Papa would be happy to see you and celebrate New Year with us," she said while checking her things inside her bag.

"You're right. But I'm sure Papa would understand me. I made a promise to him back then that I will only go back in CDO once I'd be staying there for good... and not just a short-time vacation," I said.

"I don't think that's really the reason," she said, shrugging.

"For me, it is." I chuckled.

She took a deep breath and draw near to me. "Babalik na 'kong CDO. 'Yong bilin ko sa 'yo, ha? Tawagan mo 'ko kapag may problema. Ingatan mo 'yong sarili mo," sabi niya bago ako niyakap. "Mahal na mahal ka naming tatlo ni Mama't Papa."

Hindi niya na ako pinayagang ihatid siya sa airport dahil baka hindi raw siya matuloy sa pag-alis. Naiwan ako sa condo sa araw na 'yon na walang ibang iniisip kundi si Maeve... at si Viscount.

I was so stupid for believing that he'd never fall for Maeve. I was so stupid for having high confidence that he couldn't love someone after me. I was so stupid for being confident that after ages when I go back to CDO... we'd still go back to each other. I was so stupid.

Ilang taon na ba no'ng tinapos ko 'yong sa 'min? Dalawang taon pa lang. Dalawang taon. At sa dalawang taong 'yon, hirap na hirap at sobra pa rin akong nasasaktan. Pero bakit siya? Bakit siya... nakayang magmahal ulit? Samantalang ako... hindi ko na kaya pang magmahal ulit.

Hindi na... kung hindi rin naman siya.

I held my chest while crying. I didn't even try to stifle my sobs since I'm all alone here, but my chest is still overcrowded. My chest feels heavy and overcrowded. I even shouted as loud as I can just to ease the pain, but nothing changed. It is still as heavy as it was after I hurt him.

And in the middle of crying, I can't help but ask... Do I deserve this? What cruelty here on earth have I done to suffer in pain like this? When will this pain stop? When will I gonna be able to accept that it was all my fault why things turned out like this?

Masaya kaya si Lola nang malaman niya ang takbo ng buhay ni Maeve? Na... minahal ng taong sabi ko sa kaniya noon ay hinding-hindi kayang mahalin si Maeve? Masaya si Lola. Sigurado akong masaya siya. Siguro kung gaano kasaya si Maeve, gano'n din ang nararamdaman na saya ni Lola.

"Seah, coffee tayo? Ayaw ko pa umuwi, e'!"

Niyugyog ni Sky ang balikat ko hanggang sa maalala kong tapos na pala ang oras ng clerkship namin. Napapikit ako nang mariin. Bakit ko na naman ba 'yon iniisip? Bakit ko pa ba inisiip ang pinagdaaanan ko sa araw na 'yon? Wala rin namang magbabago. Tumango ako kay Sky at tumayo na.