The Seventh Crow

Part 18

I make my way up the stairs. The moon's reflection floating in a sea of blackness and stars. The air is fresh with a hint of salt.

At the bow of the ship, Kaz leans on the ledge looking out at the open sea. I probably should leave him alone. He doesn't seem like a person who likes to talk or be near people, but I'm bored and can't sleep.

I slowly walk up to him. He doesn't seem to notice or care as I stand a few feet away from him. I look at him. He looks peaceful and scary at the same time. Not sure how he can do that, but I don’t really mind it. He's better than anyone else I know. Well, besides the other outsiders.

"You're almost as quiet as Inej," he said after a while.

"Almost," I smile. "No one is quieter than Inej."

"What do you want?"

"Who says I want anything? Can I not enjoy the open sea?"

I feel Kaz glower at me while my gaze strays towards the horizon. I could just tell him that I couldn't sleep. It seems like he can't sleep either or he wouldn't be out here staring at the sea.

"Why were you imprisoned?" Kaz asked.

"Treason."

"Not going to tell me exactly why?"

"I feel like you already know." 

I looked over at Kaz, his gaze was already on me. His face was unreadable but I knew that he was studying me, trying to get me to open as if his eyes were lock picks and I was a case with valuable objects. 

"You know more than you let on Kaz Brekker," I say.

"Funny, I get the same from you too."

"Wanna know what I gathered from you?" Kaz didn't seem to like the idea but motioned me to continue. "You don't like touch."

Kaz's face falls, his eyes moving back to look out towards the sea. I know I should've said that in a different way, but he was the one that gave me the green light.

"I know because anyone would've choked me or threatened me with their hands and fists," I say. "But you, you used your foot that was covered by rubber and dirt. Plus you wear those gloves, and I don’t think it's because of a skin condition."

"You don't know anything. Keep to yourself and don't speak to me. My threat still stands, Nox."

"If you were going to kill me, you would have done it on the roof. Told a Drüskelle that a prisoner was roaming around. Or tossed me off the ship."

"There's still time to toss you overboard." Kaz turns to me. I just smile at him.

"I believe you, Kaz. I really do. You're not the person who gives threats as a walk in the sun. But I think you still need me."

Kaz let's out an annoyed breath and moves away from me. His cane is the only sound in the night air. It was his way of saying the conversation was over. 

I overstepped but yet, I'm not sorry about it. He needs to learn how to let people in. I know he has some type of feelings towards Inej. He needs to learn to be vulnerable, even if it is only towards her. No one but her has to see it. That's what they deserve.

"Why are you still up?" Kaz asks.

Why am I still up? I'm safe and away from Fjerda. No soldier or Drüskelle or King is going to pluck me out of my bed and take me to that white room. No one laughing as I bleed from the head or when they hear my rib crack. No one to hurt me without getting hurt in the process.

I'm not a weak girl. I may have been while they stripped every ounce of humanity out of me. With every punch and every touch. I'm taking back my own humanity with every minute of being free and away from Fjerda. I will live a life that I always wanted to. Trying to forget the horrors of the Ice Court.

Yet, whenever I close my eyes I'm back in my dark cement cell. People moaning and screaming. Waiting for them to drag me to that white room.

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, and pushing the memories from my mind.

"Because when night time comes, the demjins come to drown you," I whisper, letting the wind take the words to Kaz.