The Seventh Crow

Part 20

Later that night, Nina, Kuwei, and I, plus two of the crew members all pile onto one of the tugboats. I didn't see Kaz around since our conversation in that cramped hallway. Nina wasn't at her strongest. The drug finally started to wear off making her look sickly and miserable.

I look back at the slowly vanishing boat. I know I told Kaz that I'd go. Since I owe them for saving my life, I will go to Hellgate with Nina and Kuwei. But I can't help this feeling of fear rising in my chest. 

One prison to the next. Leaving Matthias alone. What if the ship goes down and this time he actually dies? I just got him back. I can't lose him again. Just like the first time.

He was angry. Had every right to be angry too. I was the one smuggling Grisha out of Fjerda. I was the one risking our lives.

He found out the night I came back from my first trip. I'm not sure how he found out or why he didn't go to his commander. But what I do know is that he wasn't happy.

"You can't keep doing this," he said.

"Whatever, Matthias," I said.

"They will kill you. No trial."

"Only if I get caught."

He is treating me like I'm not strong or smart enough to get away with something so big. I know what I'm risking. In fact, I almost risked it all for the very first trip to the border.

"You are going against everything Djel commands!" he shouted at me.

"What has Djel ever done for us, Matthias?"

He slams his hand down on the table. The light in the lamp flickers. The silverware chime against one another.

"They are monstrous," he whispers.

"Have you ever spoken to one?"

"You have been put under their spell."
"Have not."

Matthias walked a couple feet away. He runs a hand through his hair. If anyone was walking around this late at night, they could definitely hear our conversation.

"I can't lose you to them," he says after a while. Mother and father... murdered in cold blood by vengeful Grisha. "Is this how you honor their memory?"

"Not all Grisha are bad," I state.

I have finally met Grisha face to face. They weren't looking for a fight. They wanted to live. Wanted a chance to live somewhere that the Drüskelle weren't going to hunt them down like animals. Calling it Djel's plan.

They were frightened. Just like I was frightened the night our parents died. We all are just looking at the small picture. Never getting the ideas from others. Learning and bettering ourselves.

Using our fear instead of our heads.

"You will never go to any more of those, whatever they are," Matthias states.

"This boy called it a trip," I whisper.

"Nox, you can get killed."

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to take..."

"You're being selfish."

Selfish? Me? I'm risking my life smuggling Grisha out of Fjerda. I'm the one helping them. Not throwing them in a prison cell and calling it a good day.

"If I have to lock you in this house, I will," he states. An angry look on his face. "If that doesn't work... then I have no choice besides turning you in."

"You'd turn in your own sister?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, though I should've known it would come down to that.

"Djel comenden!"

"Wanden olstrum end kendesorum. Isen ne bejstrum." I mumble out. 

If the water hears and understands, why can't the ice? Ice protects the water from the cold. Strong enough to allow people to walk on. Why must it be the one to not forgive? Water is more angry than ice. Just look at the sea during a storm. The bottom of a waterfall. Ice is calm.

Unless you fall in an iced glazed lake. Djel punishes you for being reckless. Getting comfortable on the water.

Is that what I'm doing? Getting too comfortable on the ice? At any moment Djel can break the ice under me and I'll be sweeped under the current. Never be able to recover?

The answer is yes. I did get too comfortable. I lied to Matthias and told him that I wouldn't go near a Grisha again. But I waited until he was out of town before meeting back with the group.

I got comfortable in that routine. I thought the ice wouldn't break from under me. But it did. Djel pulled it like a string. Wanden olstrum end kendesorum. Isen ne bejstrum is correct. Water will forgive, but the ice won't.

"We're almost there," one of the crew members said. He was rowing the boat with the help of the other one. She didn't look too thrilled to be around us. "Get ready to hurry inside."

I look in the distance. It was pitch black, but there was an outline of a tall building in the distance. Hellgate.