The Seventh Crow

Part 35

I dry my hair off with a towel. Jesper was sitting at the table, his eyes staring at the wall. His mind is definitely somewhere else. I didn't know where Matthias and Nina were, but I'm pretty sure they are perfectly fine. I haven't seen Kaz in a couple hours, but I bet he is figuring some type of plan out. A way to get out of the stadwatch's eye.

He is always planning. Does he ever get sleep? Does he sleep with his eyes open so no one can sneak up on him? I wouldn't put it past him.

Inej is sitting in the window seal. Staring out at the world below us. Probably wishing she was somewhere down there, figuring out what Pekka and Van Eck are planning.

"You're thinking too hard," I said, sitting down opposite her.

"They are out there," she said. "All looking for us. Oh, Saints."

Saints. People who don't help. Djel? Even worse. Gave half my life to other beings I thought were supposed to keep me safe. In the end, they just hurt me more.

My father always told me that if I needed an answer to a question, Djel would be there to answer. That as long as I worshipped, I would never have to ask for anything.

If only my father knew that was a lie. Would he still make us pray at night? Pray that we all would make it through our sicknesses.

"Do you believe all Saints care?" I ask Inej.

"Of course. They always listen."

Always listen? Where were they when I wanted to die? When I wanted to be free of the prison that plagued me for a year and a half? Where were they when I was calling for mercy?

"Do your Saints pick favorites?" This was something I was truly curious about. Maybe that's why they never listened to me?

"No. Saints are there for everyone who calls."

At least I know that... doesn't make anything better.

"Does your Saint answer?" Inej asks.

"Djel?" Inej nods. Before I could answer there was a loud crash.

Jesper had knocked over one of the plates. A small second of panic flows through me. What if someone heard the plate fall and is alerting the stadwatch? Not even Inej herself could hide in the hotel room.

Thankfully, everything was fine. Jesper was already cleaning up the broken plate. No stadwatch today.

I look back at Inej. She's still waiting for my answer. Does Djel answer? I want to say no. That would be the easy answer. Though that's the thing. Religion, faith, everything is complicated. Just because I've had a bad experience with some being, doesn't mean others have. Djel used to answer me.

Djel used to help me through sicknesses. Help me through the loss of my parents. It gave me someone to talk to when I felt like I was alone. 

Maybe because of my treachery I have lost the chance at Saints and Djel? I wouldn't be upset if I did. Maybe every miracle was just luck.

I don't know why they never answered me, but I do know I can try to warn others.

"Be careful who you put your faith in, Inej," I said. "They won't always answer and leave you for dead."