The Seventh Crow

Part 27

Hitting my limit with Alys singing, I head outside. The tombstones staring back at me. Taunting me as if they know how many dead I've seen at my time in the Ice Court.

The well written names, but only for the ones rich enough to have a proper burial. The multiple names that I've had to write perfectly.

"The name is off," Sam snapped at me.

I reach out and grab a new paper. The dots waiting for a name stares back at me. The reason of death at the bottom waiting for the cause that is never specified.

"Quickly!" Sam says. "You have more to write down!"

I quickly wrote down the name. Girth Kears. One of the many names that will forever be scarred into my head.

I reach out and grab from the top of the stack. There has to be at least 100 more names that I have to write before the end of the day. 100 more names that I don't think I'll be able to ever forget.

"Nox?" Matthias's voice grounds me back to reality. I'm not at the Ice Court anymore. I haven't been on the death names duty for months. I'll be alright.

"Hey," I say, faking a smile. "How's Alys singing going? I can still hear it out here."

"Still poor, but give her a break," he says. "Her feet are swollen."

I couldn't help but laugh. From the stories that Matthias told me about our mother and her pregnancy with me, women do strange things.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"I'm great."

"No, you're not."

He might be able to sniff out a lie, but that doesn't mean anything.

"What happened to you in the Ice Court?" he asks.

"Too much to discuss in a short time."

"Please try. I know I couldn't be there for you, and everything between us is strained between Nina and the Grisha... I never wanted anything bad to happen to you."

"It's not your fault. I knew what I was getting into, just didn't think I'd live through it."

The sad look that crossed Matthias's face made me question everything. It's not good to keep things buried inside. I know that. But if Matthias already blames himself for not knowing, imagine what he would do if he did know.

"They were supposed to kill me," I start. Something is better than nothing. "Was going to be executed with a group that day. Until the King decided to show up. Took one good look at me and decided that I was too good to be killed."

Matthias stiffens beside me. I ignore it. If I tell him everything, he might try to burn Fjerda down himself.

"What did you do to get put into the Ice Court?" Matthias asks.

"They tried to break my spirit." I stated, ignoring his question. "After a couple months they succeeded. I tried to kill myself. Used some of my bedding to make a noose, it gave way."

I take a deep breath, holding back the tears and lump that forms in my throat. I never actually said that aloud before. Never thought that I was going to have too.

"Matthias," I grab his hand, making sure he looks at me. He didn't look happy. "They did all those things to one of their own. Imagine what they did to Grisha before being forced into science projects."

"What did you do?" his voice breaks. Tears were already lining his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. What happened, happened. Doesn't change the past."

"Would you take it back? Whatever it was?"

I shake my head. The thought did cross my mind more than once. But all those relieved faces. I couldn't leave. I saved more lives than my life is worth. That, I will always be grateful for.