The Seventh Crow

Part 24

As the sun was setting, some person who works with the Dregs interrupted our hideout. Kaz stares at them in waiting.

"Someone's asking around for Jesper," one of them says.

"Who?" Jesper asks.

"Someone around the University District."

Jespers face seems to lose some color. 

"Is that all?" Kaz asks.

The two Dregs members nod their heads before walking out. Everyone kind of stares at Jesper waiting for some type of answer. It never comes.

Instead he stands and walks out of the hideout. A conflicted expression on his face.

I noticed that Wylan had a hesitant expression. His eyes focus on Jesper's back as he walks out the room. A conflicted look on his face.

Sneakily, I walk up behind him. Looking from his tailored Kuwei face to Jesper's back.

"What's wrong?" I whisper, making Wylan jump.

"Are you taking lessons from Inej?" he asks. I shake my head, an amused smile on my lips.

"Seriously though, why don't you talk to Jesper?"

"I don't know what I would say."

"You're smart, you'll figure it out."

Figure it out? That was the best I could come up with? I mean I haven't had the best social interaction in awhile, but that doesn't mean I don't remember some social cues. 

"He looks like he wants to be alone anyway," Wylan said.

"Doesn't hurt to try," I said.

"What would I even say?"

"Start with asking if he is alright?"

"That... wasn't very helpful."

"Just try. What's the worst that can happen?"

I gently push Wylan towards Jesper. There's a small feeling that this conversation might work for both of them. Stop Wylan's worries and hesitant glances. Jesper's brooding over someone wanting to see him.

Matthias comes from behind, a strong hand on my shoulder. My stomach turns. I want his touch away from me. I don't want to remember anything from the Ice Court. I don't want anyone to know.

Breathe. It's just Matthias.

"What were you two discussing?" he asks.

I shrug his hand off my shoulder. A small breath of relief fills my lungs.

"A bit of nothing, honestly," I said. "How's Nina?"

"She says she is fine," he responds.

"Try to see if she'll eat anything."

Before Matthias could answer, I walked away. I need to think.

Why did it scare me so much when he touched my shoulder? I'm away from the King. I'm free. I'm never going to step foot in Fjerda again.

It's the way he did it, my thoughts reminded me.

The memories flashed before I could stop them. The King undressing himself. Kissing my neck. Moving my hair from my shoulders. Pushing me towards the ground until my head was level with his...

The way he would grab my shoulder after forcing me to have sex with him. The strength of trying to convey a fake feeling of comfort.

He should've died. I should've killed him when I had the chance. Beating him up doesn't reclaim my freedom. The awful memories that will plague me with every kiss, every hug, every touch similar to his.

Maybe I will return to Fjerda? The future is never set in stone.

Who am I kidding? I'd rather die.