Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

1- Lottie

7th July 1972

*warning- mentions of smoking, drinking and death

"My god Lottie it fucking stinks in here !" I was suddenly awoken from my uneasy sleep on the couch by a very pissed off Freddie Mercury, who I presumed had used his spare key to let himself in.

"Good morning to you too Fred." I smiled at him sarcastically before tiredly pulling my worn figure off of the sofa and quickly making my way over to the painkillers in the kitchen.

"You were supposed to be at work two hours ago. It's midday !" Freddie's tone was stubborn and harsh as he slowly walked round my apartment, counting the empty bottles of alcohol as he did.

"Why are you here if you knew that then ?" My response was blunt and my tone was unnecessarily harsh, only further frustrating my concerned friend as he took a seat on the sofa.

"I wasn't born yesterday Tee, I knew you would be here passed out on the couch like you are every bloody Monday." I rolled my eyes, avoiding the harsh glare coming from the very tense Freddie across the room from me.

"When are you gonna stop with all this ?" I sighed deeply, letting the silence between us grow rather than responded to the fairly simple question, that should've only had one answer.

"All of what ?" My only defence was to act clueless as to what Freddie was talking about, though we both knew this was a game either of us hadn't already played. As I sat down next to him, he slowly analysed my tired figure, that was drowning in my younger sister's old T-shirt.

"This." Freddie let my eyes follow the direction of his finger as he went across the flat, pointing at each bottle and empty packet of cigarettes. I looked down in shame and embarrassment.

I'd known Freddie since college, we both studied fashion and design. We'd both become extremely close in the few years we'd known one another. I used to go to all of his gigs and we spent almost every night sat in one of our flats, I was lucky to have him as a friend.

"We miss you." Fred's tone was becoming quieter and there was a slight hesitance in his voice as he spoke. His annoyance shrunk and his sympathy grew as he realised how guilty I was feeling.

"We ?" I kept up my mask of stupidity, pretending I was baffled by what Freddie was saying, though I only wore the confusion to hide my pain. I knew exactly who he was talking about and it hurt, badly.

"Brian and John, they haven't seen you since-" He stopped himself as my expression grew sadder and my throat ached as I tried to hold pack the hurt. I lit a cigarette between my lips, struggling with my lighter due to my slightly shaky hands.

I hadn't seen any of the other band members in around three months. The only reason I saw Freddie these days is because he would happily let himself in to my apartment to check on me. I couldn't bare the thought of going out and having to see all those other people. I struggled to build up the nerve to go to work in a clothes shop most days, let alone go down some pub full of strangers to watch a gig.

"I bet they do." I laughed as a response to the tension the room was overflowing with. Freddie shook his head, almost to say that he was ashamed of my behaviour, which he had every right to be.

"Yeah, your bloody right they do darling. All the two of them ask about is when you'll next come see a gig." The guilt weighing down on me was becoming heavier and heavier as he kept reminding me off my selfishness.

"They know where I live, and my number." I shrugged my shoulders, though I was disappointed in myself for trying to shift the blame to the clearly innocent band mates.

"They didn't want to bother you, I mean they know you're not in the best state." I could feel Freddie's hard stare as I took another drag on the cigarette burning between my thin fingers.

"Emily's been gone for three months now Tee, you can't hide away forever. She wouldn't want this." He gestured at the state of my flat again as the ache in my throat become unbearably strong. My eyes were blurred by the tears starting to build up.

My mind was flashing with images of Emily, each one of them piling onto the scarily dangerous weight of guilt. I let my attention focus on her momentarily before glancing back at a very sympathetic Freddie.

He looked at me like my heart had just broken, his gaze pouring with sorrow. I finally let my eyes meet his, allowing him to observe my tired face.

I felt his cold finger gently swipe a tear that had escaped underneath my puffy, hazel eyes before sweeping a strand of my dark brown hair out of my face. I chuckled a little, watching as my forced smile spread to Freddie.

"I'm sorry. I just miss her. I thought this was the answer." Somehow it felt as if Freddie had magically wiped away my mask, as I was now telling him the real truth.

"I thought drinking was the only way out of this." I sighed deeply, frustrated at myself for being such a twat all this time.

"Darling I never said it wasn't the answer." He laughed, slightly easing the anger my head was tangled in.

"I just said you can't keep on living like this. Emily loved you, she would of hated to see you in this state." I laughed and shook my head, imagining what she would of been saying to me right now.

"But my lovie, everyone really does miss you." We sat close together on my sofa, Freddie's hand gently rubbing me shoulder in an attempt to soothe the hurt.

Before what happened to Emily, I would spend most of my weekends with Queen. Since the moment Freddie introduced me to his band mates around a year ago, we'd become fairly close.

"Even Roger ?" I sniggered at the thought of Roger willingly being in the same city as me, there was no chance the drummer wanted me at any gig any time soon.

"Yeah. He's an ass I know but..." I put out my cig in the ashtray on the coffee table before laughing in shock, cutting off Freddie.

"An ass ? That's an understatement." I chuckled a little harder as Freddie laughed with me. He loved Roger really, they were practically soulmates in a way, but me and the drummer had a little past that I wasn't likely to leave behind.

An- hey ! This is my second time writing so I know it's not they good but thank you for reading.
-Make sure to pay attention to the dates at the top !! :)