Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

17- Coffee

28th July 1972

"I think maybe we need to go out and get some lunch or a cup of coffee darling." I answered the phone to be asked to lunch by Freddie. The concern and worry in his voice was overpowering compared to what he was saying. The way he spoke managed to tell me more words than the invitation out to lunch had.

"What today ?" I asked, looking down at my old pair of shorts and half buttoned shirt that I'd never given back to Freddie. My head was pounding and I felt a little ill, not to mention my mascara stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

"Yeah. I've gotta talk to you love." He replied. I immediately jumped to the worse ideas- did something happen with Mary ? Was there something I didn't know that I should've ?

"About what ?" I needed an answer quick to end the army of thoughts marching through my mind.

"Roger."

I shut my eyes and sighed at the mention of the blondes name. The memories of yesterday's argument were still fresh and sore. I hadn't expected Freddie to speak to Roger so soon- but obviously the blonde thought that our row was an important issue to share with Fred.

"Freddie there's not much to talk about. He didn't like the truth I was telling." I shrugged. I heard a small chuckle which was soon abruptly stopped as I let out another deep sigh.

"Ok yeah- whatever you say darling. I'll be at yours midday, and don't be drunk because you'll have to drive." I glanced at my watch, I had about an hour to try and make myself look decent enough to leave the house.

"Ok ok, I'll see you later." I put the phone down and let my head drop to my hands. I could feel one or two tears roll down each cheek as my body became heavy with thoughts of Roger.

I didn't understand why I was so bothered by this. A few weeks ago I would roll my eyes at the mention of his name. Now I was stood in my kitchen looking like a mess, trying to deny the fact I'd been added to the list of girls to cry over Roger Meddows Taylor.

-

I was sat on the couch with my legs frantically tapping. I'd thrown on an old shirt and some simple jeans before tying my hair back in a knot filled bun. Every few seconds I was glancing at my watch, and then up at the door, praying Freddie would waltz into the flat at any given moment.

The curse of the sofa seemed to haunt me particularly badly today. My mind was bubbling with mine and Roger's argument. The way we spoke to one another, the way he looked at me, the way I had to try and stop myself from crying in front of the drummer. None of it would escape my attention.

I shot up from the sofa and dashed into the kitchen. I opened the fridge to find only an old tub of butter and an apple. Great. I flung open each cupboard in a desperate attempt to find some alcohol- surely one drink wouldn't hurt. But much to my disappointment I'd drunk it all. The only thing I could do to distract myself was drink, but I'd forgotten how much I needed to distract myself last night.

I let out a deep sigh and shook my head. I was becoming a fucking mess to say the least.

"Darling... you ready ?" I turned to see Freddie stood in the doorframe. He was looking at me the same way he'd looked at me when Emily died- like I'd shattered to a million pieces. But I wasn't at all. This stupid argument didn't compare to loosing her.

"Yeah yeah, sorry. Let's go." I smiled an uneasy smile and slid my cigarettes into my pocket. Freddie strictly analysed every movement I made, paying close attention to my slight shaky hands when I tried to lock the door.

We got in the car in silence- one that I was trying to push away but didn't have the strength to. I put the key in the ignition and turned to face Freddie, a clear gaze of concern painted across his usually kind face.

"Freddie I'm ok. I had an argument with Roger- it's nothing." I shrugged and smiled again. The smile was more unreassuring than the last one. Freddie was no stranger to the lies I often told him to try and kill his worry, but he knew me too well to challenge me. He would agree with me until I finally crumbled.

-

We sat together in a little coffee shop, each of us with a warm drink in hand waiting for the over to say something. I kept my eyes down and my leg was still bouncing up and down nervously.

"What did he say ?" I asked. Freddie raised his eyebrow and pulled the mug away from his lips, preparing his answer.

"Well after he left yours he came to mine and nearly bashed my door down, and Mary let him in. And then he just told us what happened." Fred shrugged. I knew Roger would tell Freddie, I just hoped he would of given me more time prepare for Freddie's interview.

"Well Rogers side is usually different to mine so..." My tone was unnecessarily harsh but still quiet. Freddie could barley hear me over the noice of the loud hustle of the cramped coffee store.

"I was told he went round yours to say thanks for the birthday present... and you basically called him selfish and shouted shit at each other." Freddie replied, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "I'm not saying that you're wrong darling I just-"

"He confused me Freddie. I manage to rethink everything each time he looks at me. And then the other night after the gig he just acted like I never showed up at his door. It confuses the shit out of me." I sighed and Freddie nodded in agreement.

"You confuse him. You don't regret kissing him but you don't wanna be with him?" I lit a cigarette and let us both settle down into an unwelcomed silence. Freddie finished his tea and wouldn't take his eyes away from me until I coughed up the answer I was trying to swallow.

"No that's not it..." I leaned further back into my seat, hoping the space growing between us would give Freddie the hint that I wanted to avoid this conversation, but he stayed in the same position patiently waiting for the answer."I don't wanna be a fling. I'd I slept with him, Roger would forget about me and that would be it and, well he's my friend and I don't wanna loose him."

"You're gonna loose all of us if you two don't sort it out." Fred snapped. I knew he was right and it felt shit. Suddenly the weight of guilt that had become lighter over the past few weeks crashed down on me harder than it ever had.

"I know. I didn't want to argue with him Freddie."

"What do you want ?" I shrugged and took a moment to think- what did I want ? I'd never been asked what I did want when it came to Roger. No one had any clue whether I wanted a relationship or wether I never wanted to see again. I knew what I wanted deep down, but that was something far too unrealistic, so I instead told myself I wanted something a little more likely to happen.

"I want things to go back to how they were. He would pretend not to care about me and sleep with whoever and I go back to being that brown haired girl that he would always try and look out for. I just want to be friend again like we were. No kisses."

"So you aren't bothered by the girls ? I thought you were..." Freddie added, his brows furrowed.

"It's not like Roger is ever gonna change Freddie."

An- thank you for 600 reads :))