Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

41- New years

31st December 1972

"Ten seconds." I looked up at Roger and smiled. He pulled me a little closer towards him in the middle of Freddie's crowded party, a crowd that blocked us out from all the faces we recognised. The loud music and hot atmosphere was one neither of us could escape, but one we weren't planning on leaving yet.

Freddie's New Years party was famously Freddie Mercury style- loud music, shit loads of booze, and faces no one other than him and Mary would know. Brian, John and Veronica, were scattered across the apartment, all anticipating the New Year that was only seconds away.

"Three... two...." the small crowd we were lost in were counting down loudly. I wrapped my hands round Roger's neck, almost stood on my tip toes as his other hand wrapped slowly around my torso. "One..."

"Happy New Years gorgeous." Roger whispered.

"Happy New Years Roger." I pressed my lips against his, tasting the alcohol and cigarettes against them as he wrapped tighter around me. He pulled away gently, chuckling a little as I blushed.

"I can't believe I'm gonna be starting 1973 with you." Roger smiled.

"You're still so cheesy sometimes." We stood wrapped in one another in a brief moment of silence between us, one where a sudden retaliation hit the drummer.

"Peps..."

"What ?" I asked. He'd somehow suddenly become awfully shy and almost embarrassed, like there was something he didn't want to admit to me.

"I- I erm..." he paused and sighed a little, clearly full of a sudden tensity. "I... I just."

"What ?" I asked again, much more quietly to the point where the word was almost unrecognisable. I was suddenly a little scared, my nervousness almost sending my crazy as I waited for the drummer to end his stutter and let the words out. I fiddled with the my jacket zip as Roger's eyes fell to the floor again, desperate for him to answer a question I thought was simple.

"I-" he let out a little sigh. "I can't wait to get home and get you of that dress." He smirked a little, almost a sense of relief washing over him. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to say, not at all, but it still somehow stopped me from fiddle with my zip.

"Of course you can't." We both laughed a little, a slightly awkward laugh. I was itching to know what Roger really wanted to say, but I instead let the question ponder on my mind rather than leave my lips.

"I'm gonna go get another drink. I'll be back in a second." He mumbled quickly, wriggling through the crowd of bodies until my eyes couldn't find him anymore.

-

The way we laid in bed together that night wasn't right. His hands were always wrapped around me in some way of another- but they couldn't of been further from me. It was strange, almost like he suddenly decided he didn't want to be next to me in his bed anymore.  Not once had we ever slept so close together yet so horribly far apart. I was cold, desperate to be warmed by his arms around my figure.

I kept replaying the certain moment in which Roger was struggling to tell me something. I knew it wasn't about him wanting to get me out the dress really- he would've happily admitted to that without stuttering a million times.

There was something he just couldn't let pass his lips, but now that something was like a phrase I felt I needed to hear. It was driving me crazy not knowing. He could've said anything- something that could've completely changed our relationship. But I would never know unless he actually built up the courage to say it.

It scared me- of course it did. The entire reason I had stopped myself from being with him before was because I was too terrified of him leaving me, and of course my mind told me that was what he needed to confess.

An- dearest apologies for this part being so short... but what he way he gonna say...?

Thank you for reading :)