Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

46- Routine

25th March 1973

Everything changed after that day round Freddie's.

I'd fallen back into the same routine I used to regularly follow. I'd get up, go to work, stop to buy some booze on the way home, and then spend my entire night drinking and replaying moments I wish my mind would forget.

Freddie called sometimes, but didn't have huge amounts to say anymore. It was more just a little check up to make sure I hadn't drowned myself in alcohol.

Brian didn't entirely forget about me either- still calling or stopping by on the odd occasion to see how I was. He wasn't as afraid to talk about Roger as Freddie was however- which I think was because the guitarist knew him a lot better than Freddie ever had. Brian and Roger were closer than most people thought.

I hadn't really seen anyone else though, which perfectly proved the point Freddie had tried to drill into my brain. I would loose everyone if me and Roger didn't patch things up- and I did.

Knowing he'd actually fucked the waitress did hurt though. Of course I couldn't tell him how much it did hurt because we weren't even a 'thing' at that moment in time. I couldn't even blame him- I was the one that told him to leave when he just wanted to talk. I was the one pushing him away in the end.

I hoped constantly that this was just some stupid argument that went on for longer than it should've (which is exactly what it was) but when another day went past and neither of us made the effort I knew it was probably far worse. When Roger told me it was over I prayed he didn't meant it- but I was certain now that he did.

I of course was always replaying the moment in time when Roger stormed into Freddie flat ranting about needing to tell me something and how he should've told me something, which only further confused me. I was desperate to know what he wanted to tell me on New Years- but I was still scared the answer might of linked to another girl.

I knew the problem was the fact I didn't trust him, but after hearing him admit to shagging the girl he told me he told me he hadn't was a sentence that only further crushed the cracked pieces he'd been the one to break.

I was stood behind the tills at work, tapping my pen along to the loud tick of the second hand of the clock. I kept my eyes down and head occupied with thoughts as the door opened and a heavy foot stepped around the store. My eyes stuck to the floor beneath me until I hear the footsteps become closer to the tills and decided it was probably best for me to make some form of communication with the customer.

I looked up and immediately wished I hadn't.

"What the fuck are you doing here ?" I asked quietly.

"I erm... well I was walking by and well- I needed to give something back to you and thought I may as well see if you're at work and save myself a trip to your flat." Roger replied. There was no smirk or smile, or a little look in his eyes that made me giggle. His lips were straight and eyes wondering in every direction but mine.

"What is it ?"

"Your necklace." He handed me the small piece of jewellery he'd given me for my birthday, the same necklace I used to wear to try and see if he'd notice. "It was on my dresser- you must've left it after staying on New Years."

"Ahh... been looking for this. Thanks." I smiled a little and took the necklace from him as the memories flooded my mind. I missed the way he would look at me when I wore it. I missed him really.

There was a little pause between us- one where we let our eyes meet and our small half-smiles fade. I wanted to feel his arm wrapped round me again, and his fingers intertwined with mine as we stepped out of my apartment.

He looked down at me behind the till like he'd never seen me before. Like my face was one new to him.

"Been a little while I guess..." He mumbled.

"Yep." I nodded a little.

"You still angry at me ?"

"Yeah, I am. But I know I'm not exactly innocent either." I shrugged little to try and ease the tension between us. He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets

"Do you think I'll ever see you at a gig again ? albums gonna be out soon- maybe June time. Ronnie misses you. She thinks you're funny. "

"I dunno. Your little waitress friend might be more interested in taking my seat at the table." I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips, but it was hard to pretend it didn't bother me when he was stood in front of me.

I could always picture her perfect eyes and how they of course didn't compare to mine that were a dull brown. And her perfect ringlets of long blonde hair that sat around her soft looking face. She was practically Roger's dream girl, and it was a well known a fact I was the opposite. I was probably the first brunette he'd ever slept with- and he'd slept with a lot of people.

"I regret that you know." He itched the back of his neck nervously.

"Yeah well you regret a lot of things Roger." I didn't want to be angry at him but I was. Wether he deserved it or not. I hated the way he stood there all tense and nervous acting like he hadn't really broken my almost fixed heart. It was almost funny how something so short had created a problem so long.

"At least I don't regret kissing you." He snapped. That was the second I knew we couldn't do this. We couldn't talk without wanting to poor out all the anger.

"Well... thanks for giving this back." I sighed a little and nodded very slowly.

"Well... I'll see you later Lottie." He replied, quickly turning on his heel and letting out a sharp sigh.

"Rog one sec... I.." I hopped up from the tills, grasping his attention as he turned back round. I wanted to ask him right now- what did he try and tell me on New Years ? It was an answer that could change everything.

"What ?" He asked quietly. I looked at him again and sighed, deciding against trying to get the truth. It was in the past now, nearly three months ago. I wanted to, so desperately, but when I saw the ways his eyes looked at me I knew the question was best left unasked. 

"Well done on the album. Nice to know it will come out within the century." I said. We both shared a very small smile before he walked back out of the shop, leaving me back with my thoughts and even more regrets.

An- so... I suppose they've made progress

They will have their happy ending I swear ✋🏻

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