Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

44- Talk

2nd February 1972

"Lottie... Lottie, love, it's only us." I felt my leg be gently shook and my eyes flutter open to find Brian and Freddie both trying to wake me up from the sleep I'd fallen into on the sofa. Slowly, I peeled my self up and sighed a little.

Freddie was stood in front of me, looking down at me like the broken China doll I used to be to him. I thought I was fixed, glued back tightly back together piece by piece, but it was clear that to him and Brian I was nothing but broken shards again.

The guitarist was sat on the arm of the sofa, a smile that tried to welcome me but instead flushed me with guilt. I could feel the sympathy in their stares as the two of them analysed my figure on the sofa in front of them.

The weight of guilt had never been so horrifically heavy. Knowing I'd fucked up this badly was an incredibly heavy burden.

"You alright ?" Brian asked. He knew the answer, but still felt as if he needed to hear it.

"Of course I am. Look I mean- we weren't even dating for that long. I was technically just a shag that stuck around a little longer." I shrugged. Brian also knew I was lying- he wasn't dumb.

I got up off the sofa and made my way to the kitchen to relive my craving for a cigarette. I found several empty packets, but not one with a smoke in. The two boys watched my every moment- the way my lips trembled a little or how my fingers shook a little too much to allow me to brush my hair out of my face.

"I don't wanna even hear his name. I fucked up. I know. I should've trusted him. So don't come here as a little messenger bird and try and convince me that Roger really did like me."

"He didn't like you." Freddie added. "He fucking loves you Tee."

"What ? Cmon Freddie I'm not that stupid."

"Believe what you want then but I'm not lying." He replied. Brian nodded along as Freddie spoke, clearly both trying to convince me to believe the truth the singer was telling.

"I love him Freddie but... but he would've told me by now surly." I shrugged.

"He tried to. But he got scared. I mean its Roger- he doesn't often love people." Brian added. I knew right then that I'd fucked up almost royally. That's why he was distant- cause he was scared. Not because he was sleeping with someone else. I'd been too much of an asshole to notice.

I felt awfully guilty, to the point where it almost consumed me entirely until I remembered the argument.

Roger telling me he was gonna shag that bloody waitress.

"Yeah well I think he might of found someone else to do." I chuckled a little.

"Talk to him." Freddie looked me like he was begging for me to say something to the drummer.

"I don't know what to say Fred."

"If you don't you're gonna loose everyone... like I said." He knew he was right and it only made him feel better about himself.

"I know I am." I paused and sighed "But I think it's probably best if you two go I need to have a shower and clean up a bit." I didn't even know why the pair were here, I presumed it was to give me some pep talk about Roger like Freddie was trying to, but I didn't want them to be sat on my couch talking about the drummer yet.

"Ok darling. Don't ignore him. And don't drink yourself to death." Brian followed Freddie quietly out the door, leaving me and my thoughts alone again.

-

Later on in the evening I was still sat by myself watching the tv trying to plan out in my mind what I was gonna say to Roger when I did next see him- whenever that would be. I needed to apologise but wasn't entirely sure how.