Why would I forget ? | Roger Taylor

45- trusted him

20th February 1973

I stood outside Freddie's flat patiently waiting for him to answer the door I'd knocked on onto a few seconds ago.

He'd invited me round for a cup of tea- which really meant him and Roger had spoken about the other week and now Freddie needed my side of the story before he both told us what he thought we should do. The afternoon wasn't one I wast thrilled about, but I'd been avoiding his calls for the past couple of days and couldn't deal with the sound of the phone ringing for much longer.

I'd spent the entirety of the past couple of weeks thinking of Roger and what I was gonna say to if I ever did have the chance to talk to him again. I was so annoyed with myself for telling him to leave- but it seemed every time he was there in front of me my mind suddenly emptied of all the thoughts of things I was going to say. When my eyes met his the words I expected to leave my lips stayed as words I wished I'd said.

Freddie opened the door, looked me up and down, and sighed a little.

"What ?"

"You've been added to the list of girls to be heart broken by Roger Taylor haven't you..."

"I'm not heart broken. It was my fault." I laughed a little and stepped into the flat, following closely behind Freddie as he walked out to the kitchen and put the kettle on. It felt strange being in his flat when it wasn't cramped full of strangers- I almost didn't recognise the place without the drinks and loud music playing.

"What are you then ?" He asked.

"I'm a twat who didn't trust someone she should've and now spends most of her free time thinking of ways to tell a blonde fuck boy that she loves him."

"Wow... you've really got that one figured out darling." He laughed and handed me a mug of tea he'd just made. I shrugged in response before once again following closely behind him as he walked through to the living room.

I sat down in the armchair and lit a cigarette, hoping it would relive me of the stress that seemed to be suddenly building up after the mention of Roger.

"No Mary ?" I asked, hoping it would change the topic of conversation.

"She's at work."

"Still at Bibas ?"

"Yep." He chuckled a little. "When are you gonna stop trying with the small talk and face the fact you're gonna need to talk about him one day." I rolled my eyes and sighed a little, but of course I knew I had to talk about him.

"Did he really love me ?" I could feel the tears almost being bought to my eyes already. I didn't realise how much I was hurting until I sat in Freddie's arm chair begging to know if Roger was actually in love with me like I was with him.

"I think he does." He nodded. I didn't want to believe him, didn't want to accept how big of a mistake if made. But if he loved me, then why did he look at that waitress like she was the only girl in the world, like he didn't have a girlfriend sat opposite him with tears building in her eyes.

"Then why did he look at that waitress like that ?" I mumbled. Freddie rolled his eyes and took a minutiae to let the air between us fall silent before he answered.

"Do you really want my opinion on it ?" He asked.

"You're still gonna tell me if I say no anyway..."

"He wanted to see how much it bothered you- wanted to see how defensive you got. It showed you cared." He sighed. I didn't want to believe him again. Everything Freddie was saying was making me feel even worse, even more guilty for treating Roger the way I did.