No Boys Allowed - Luke Hemmings

Chapter 26

The plane touched down in London and I was expecting to feel happy but I wasn't. I was miserable. I cried the whole flight home. We slipped off the plane as a group and I hid my puffy eyes behind my sunglasses. I pushed through the paps and made a beeline for the security entrance.

Fans were waiting for us inside which was really sweet but I just wasn't up to saying hi. I waved and posed for three pictures. I gave quick hugs to keep myself from crying and went to go find my family.

Sure enough my mum was there bouncing on her toes with a 'Maddie' sign resting in her hands. My façade broke in half once I saw her. Her face crumpled along with mine, arms moving to stretch open so I could run into them.

She hugged me in close and stroked my hair over and over again.

"What's wrong Maddie?" She whispered, kissing the top of my head.

But I couldn't answer, I couldn't even get the words out so I just cried into her neck and tried to breathe.

"It's okay baby," She said, rocking my body back and forth. "I've got you. I've got you."

We went home together and I went straight up to my room and cried again. I didn't even bother to check my phone, I wanted to put the world away and just wallow in my hurting.

I flopped face down on my bed and started to sob so loud that I could barely even hear my own breathing. My legs curled up into a ball to keep my chest together. I felt like I was going to fall apart at any second. Each cry ripped me in half and then it ripped again and again to the point where I wondered if I was going to make it through the night.

Nobody bothered me.

Nobody came in for three days because I wouldn't let them in.

I wrote four songs in the two weeks that I was locked up in my bedroom. I sent them to Liz and Chloe to go over.

We still had an album to write.

And judging by my current state it was going to be a sad one.

The first time I left the house was to record one of my new songs. I went in alone. I stood in the booth with the producer staring at me on the other side of the glass and I tried to tell myself that I wasn't allowed to cry.

"You ready Mads?" He asked in my headphones.

I nodded yes and stood close to the microphone.

"One," He hummed, pressing play on the melody.

I opened up my mouth and started to sing.

Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we

Fell down the rabbit hole

You held on tight to me

Cause nothing's as it seems

Spinning out of control

Didn't they tell us don't rush into things

Didn't you flash your blue eyes at me

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds

Didn't it all seem new and exciting

I felt your arms twisting around me

I should've slept with one eye opened at night

When I was finished with the verse I had to stop to wipe my eyes. This was the first time I had ever sang these words out loud. All of my feelings were being spilled out in front of me and it hurt.