fragments of my life [MERDER]

THREE

If you want to have a great time like last night baby, call me. Rose x

The words of that note were engrained in Meredith's mind. Derek cheated on her. Derek actually cheated on her with his ex, of all people. The person he'd explicitly used to get over Meredith once, and he'd done it again. This was real life. He actually fucking cheated on her; and he wanted to 'explain'. Explain what? Explain how his penis randomly ended up inside his ex-girlfriend? She would have loved to see how he decided to explain that one. She makes one mistake and the first thing he does is try to even the score by getting naked with Rose, of all people? It might as well have been Addison at that point, Meredith mused, in fact, it probably would have been better if it was Addison. At least they had a connection; he was at least married to her at one point.

Meredith wanted to avoid him, avoid him all day, avoid him for eternity. She didn't see how they come back from this. He cheated on her? He actually fucking cheated on her? He knows how it feels! He knows how it feels to be cheated on by your spouse and he still did it, anyway? How would they ever get through this, Meredith thought. She had too many unanswered questions, questions she wasn't even sure she wanted answering in the first place.

She thought Derek had changed. She thought the second things got bad he wouldn't run, he wouldn't run away and do something stupid like what happened in the woods, hitting her engagement ring into the trees. He thought he meant what he said on that post-it note he loved pointing out to Meredith every time she made a minor error that inconvenienced him in the slightest way, but no, this time it was worse. He walked out, got drunk, and slept with Rose. It just, it just felt like she'd been slapped in the face twenty times over. Every single muscle in her face stung from the crying she'd done on the drive over to the hospital. She didn't feel anything but rage, red hot rage, and pain, and just hopelessness for their future, for their marriage. She tried to refuse to believe he had done this to her; she couldn't believe it.

She got through the night and day shift in the ER again, only stopping to grab food and a coffee early in the morning. She had also managed to successfully avoid Derek, thank god, but she couldn't avoid Mark.

"Big Grey, can I speak to you?", he asked, walking up to the ER desk. Meredith stood up as he dragged me to the same spot as yesterday. "How did it go last night... did you and Derek... make up?" He laughed. She knew what he meant. She just... stayed emotionless. "Grey, what happened?" Mark's face changed from a smile to a look of concern, and Meredith couldn't keep up this facade she'd put on all day anymore, and she just started bawling into Mark's arms.

"Derek... he cheated on me. He cheated on me with Rose. I found a note... in his jeans pocket... asking if he wanted to 'have a great time like last night'... Mark I can't... Derek... he..." she was crying so much she could barely form a sentence, stuttering on her words. Mark looked like he wanted to storm off and smack some sense his best friend. He was beyond pissed off with Derek, if what Meredith was saying was true. Mark had been the cheater before, he'd cheated on Derek... but he couldn't believe that after all that, Derek would be the cheater.

"Grey... I'm so sorry, Mer... I'll... I'll try and find him. Talk to him". Mark calmed her down, the best he could. He knew that this would hurt, for a long time, because he remembered exactly how Derek felt years ago.

"Don't bother." Meredith sniffled, wiping the tears from her face, "The first thing he does is runs, gets drunk and gets revenge on me. It's clear. He thinks we're over."

"Grey, you should at least talk to him." Mark tried to reason with her.

As much as she hated Derek right now, she could never stop loving him. He saved her. He saved her from herself, from the water, from becoming her mother.