fragments of my life [MERDER]

THIRTEEN

Time had passed since Meredith's call with Alex. 

Meredith had struggled with the news that she was pregnant, pregnant with Derek's child. It was killing her on the inside. She loved this baby, she wanted this baby. God, they'd been trying for so long but the timing was just a horrific. There was no doubt in her mind that she was keeping this child, but it didn't make her miss Zola any less, miss Derek any less. 

She tasseled with the idea of telling him, knowing that her concealing her pregnancy from him would hurt him. She knew how much he had yearned to be a father, how long he had waited for a child of his own, but she didn't have it in her to trust him enough for that yet, and in some way, she hated herself for it.

Meredith was back at the house, late for work as Kieran and Jade called out for her from down the stairs. Rushing, not wanting to miss out on any potential surgeries, especially since her decision to pursue a double board certification, she didn't even notice she'd missed a step at the top of the stairs down from her bedroom until she ended up at the bottom, on the floor. 

The shoe rack at the bottom of the stairs absorbed her impact, colliding with her left, non-surgical arm, leaving a large red mark that would probably develop into a gnarly purple-blue bruise later. The loud noise of the pregnant woman tumbling and subsequently crashing on the floor immediately alerted Jade and Kieran, and they scampered into the room. The three shared a look, and knowing that Meredith was pregnant meant that she would definitely need to go to the hospital for a check-up, just in case. She was embarrassed at first, more than anything. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid as to miss a step of the stairs she ran up and down for years as a child. She mentally cursed Derek and everything else going on for distracting her, but the real problem began when she stood up, and all she could feel was an electric jolt of pain shoot through her ankle.

"Ah! Crap." Meredith yelled as she balanced against Kieran.

"Mer? What is it, is it the baby?" Jade asked, concerned, grabbing her other arm so she could stand up straight. 

"No, my ankle. I think it might be fractured. I can't stand on it." Meredith whimpered as she attempted to put weight on her ankle for a second time. 

"I don't think so.... but you're going to the hospital, you know that right. I'll just check for you, nothing major." Kieran demanded, the orthopaedic resident within him kicking into full swing.

"I figured you two would make me", Meredith grunted, trying to force a smile, but all she could feel was numbness, and anger at her own stupidity. 

The timing couldn't be worse, Meredith thought. All she was thinking about recently was Derek, how much she loved him, but how much she knew she couldn't be with him right now. She was distracted by Derek, although she never let it show in her surgical work. Now, however, she was probably going to be stuck on crutches or bed-rest or something equally as horrible, where all she'd have time to do is think. Thinking about Derek was not something she wanted to be doing, not right now, not this close to the boards.

"Jade, don't tell them I'm pregnant." Meredith pleaded with her friend as she sat her in the car, Kieran hopping in the front seat to drive them to the ER. 

"Meredith, you don't know-" Jade tried to argue.

"I'm this baby's mother. Derek might have said I would be a horrible mother, like my mother-"

"But you're not, and you won't be, and he's a jackass for even insinuating it", Jade finished Meredith's sentence for her, knowing that she would just ramble.

"That's not the point. I'm a mother and I know there's nothing wrong with my baby. My baby is fine." Meredith stood her ground against Jade, her bad ankle up at a right angle across the other two back car seats.