fragments of my life [MERDER]

TWENTY-FIVE

Meredith and Derek had finally agreed to talk about the elephant in the room; to have one last argument about any and every issue the other took with each other, and then be done with it all together; to get all their feelings out into the open before moving on with their lives. It was a necessary evil if they wanted to continue with their relationship, their marriage, which, to the both of them, was a complete no-brainer.

The two lay sprawled out, entangled in each other's arms in Derek's hospital bed as their two healthy babies slept in the corner of the room, Zola back with Sofia in the hospital day-care, and Noah in the NICU. The two occasionally made intense contact between her jade orbs, which Noah had inherited, and his crystal orbs, which Ava had inherited.

"The kids are sleeping, Derek. If this is going to work, we're going to actually have to speak about it." Meredith sighed, looking up at him.

"I know, it's just..." He exhaled, his hand tenderly brushing across her cheek.

"We already agreed, Derek. One last argument. We can scream, and yell, and be angry, but only for the duration of the argument. After that, we can move past all of this mess."

"You're right, I know you're right...I just can't be mad at you, anymore. Not after the three of them." He grinned, glancing behind him to where Ava and Luca were asleep in their cots.

"That's nice but it doesn't change the fact I'm still mad at you." Meredith groaned.

"What do you want me to say, Mer?"

"Anything? Tell me anything!" Meredith retorted, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. Did Alex tell you what had happened since you'd been gone? You know, with me? I was lonely, I was miserable...it wasn't pretty."

"I did know, but Alex didn't tell me. It was Lexie, but I'm sure you knew that. I hear all about how much you pestered her for information she didn't know. Alex, however, he did tell me about how you beat him up, sent him to the ER, blaming him for me leaving. Very mature, by the way." Meredith huffed.

"I was grieving!" He yelled, considerate enough not reaching a volume where he could wake his children.

"So was I Derek! Don't you understand? I couldn't stay here, I couldn't stay here with someone that hated me, or just didn't love me enough. It was clear after what you did." Meredith spat back angrily.

"But the post-it, Meredith..." Derek flung his head backwards, burying it in his pillow.

"You don't get to talk about the post-it. You broke the rules of post-it!" Meredith growled.

"So did you! you ran! You ran away with my children, and you didn't even tell me!" Derek carped.

"I didn't know at that point. I didn't know what else to do, Derek." She joined him in forcing the back of head against the pillow, her hand gently placed between their faces.

"Neither did I. I lost everything, which was my fault, then I began losing my mind, losing my surgical skill. I was crumbling, a shell of a man. Mark even got Ma to come out to smack some sense into me. I-I went to therapy." He said breathlessly, his cheeks flushing a light pink colour in embarrassment.

"You, Derek Shepherd, actually went to therapy? I thought you were joking!" Meredith joked.

"I did." Derek replied, entwining his hand with Meredith's, their fingers resting on his lower leg.

"And?" She questioned.

"Essentially, she says I'm still angry at my father's death, which is true. I can see that now. I was angry at Addison, I was angry over nothing, I was just angry, and the trial and losing Zola tipped me over the edge, and all that anger just got directed at you." He looked away. Meredith used her free hand to grab him by the chin, pulling his vision pack to her.