him after me || dnf ✓

Chapter 3: Hurting

It has been a week since my death.

My family began to learn how to cope together, I think my death brought them closer as they now have dinners together every night and my brother is talking to my parents more and none of them has cried today.

Sapnap was at our house almost all the time, the two cry almost every day. If one of them hears the other crying, they know to comfort each other. George barely drinks any water and has less than a meal per day, it breaks me to see him like this. Sapnap has been smoking more often now, sometimes George even joined him. 

It hurts so bad to see them in so much pain.

-

George started drinking.

George never drinks. He began drinking with Sapnap, it began as drinking almost every night and now George was drunk or high almost all of the time. Sapnap has started crying less and helping George remember to eat but the last thing I saw him eat was a pot brownie and that was almost 6 hours ago. 

Each time I see George he is crying or coping with alcohol and weed. At night I hold him like we used to but it isn't the same, not when he can't feel me there too.

-

I watched as Sapnap argued with George for the 10th time this week. "George please, you have to have a meal you haven't had a proper one in days. You know Oliv-" "No Sap. Dont even say his name." George spat out, taking a short drag of his joint "George you cant fight me on this, Oliver would have wanted you to be healthy and-" "SAPNAP, OLIVER ISNT HERE. HE'S DEAD. THERE'S NO MORE 'OLIVER THIS' 'OLIVER THAT'. HE'S DEAD." George's words seemed to hurt himself as much as they hurt Sapnap. "Fuck you. No, you know what I'm not sticking around with your bullshit, I'm sick of this, I'm only trying to help you. I'm leaving, call me once you're actually sober" Sapnap grabbed his bag and rushed out, slamming the door with an echoing thud. 

George broke down, sobbed into one of my hoodies that he was wearing and kicked the empty bottle of vodka that was sitting on the floor in front of him. It spun and hit the wall, shattering all over the ground. 

Something seemed to click in George's mind as he got up and changed into fresh clothes, something I hadn't seen him do in days. I couldn't help but become hopeful at this small amount of progress but it was quickly crushed when he called an Uber to the nearby club.

-

I watched in disbelief as George recklessly downed shots and danced under the flashing club lights. My jaw parted and my heart splintered as he carelessly grinded up against random people that were likey just, if not more, as drunk as he was. That was when I had decided it was enough and made my way home.

Tears flooded my vision as I ran home, the cold wind on my skin felt like pins digging into me. When I eventually got home I laid in the bed, ignoring the fact that the blankets didn't move under my weight, and cried myself to sleep.

-

George didn't come home that night.

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