Beyond Education [Jemily]

Words and Their Meaning

November 18, 2021
— JJ's POV
It's been five days since my attack and I'm proud to admit that I've been healing pretty well so far. Opening up to my therapist was really hard at first, I actually spent our entire first session completely silent, but once I was able to talk about what happened it helped me get some of the trauma out. The protection order I filed against Will went into effect the day after the so-called "incident" and Will thankfully hasn't come near me. Not yet, anyway. I'm still paranoid that he'll break the order and hunt me down somewhere. Emily's been really good at convincing me otherwise though.

"I'd bash his skull in, we've been over this!" Emily groaned and rolled her eyes as she talked me down from another Will rant. My third of the day. I was seated at the head of my bed, holding Elliot close to my chest, while Emily sat criss crossed at the end.

"I know we've been over this but I'm still scared!"

"You don't have to be, babe! I'd kill him if he ever came near you!"

"I can't just not be scared! My anxiety over this isn't just something that's gonna go away.... I thought you'd understand that." I put my head down and mindlessly played with the tag on Elliot's side.

Emily sighed, "I'm sorry. I do understand. I promised to support you during this and I'm keeping that promise, for real." I just sniffled and nodded shyly. Emily looked beside her where Franko was discarded and sadly asked, "How come you never snuggle with Franko anymore? You don't love him?"

I giggled, "No I do! He just..."

"Just what?"

"He doesn't smell like you anymore."

Emily smiled, "That's why he's over here instead of by you? Because he lost his 'Emily scent?'" I nodded, blushing. Emily uncrossed her legs and suggested, "Well I uh, I still smell like me... You wanna cuddle?"

"Is the bold and brawny Emily Prentiss asking me for cuddles?"

"I-I mean only if you want to."

"Come on don't act like you don't love being my little spoon."

"Shhh! Penelope's in the lounge!" Emily hated when I hinted to people that she was a softie. I put my hands up in defeat and lowered my voice.

"We can cuddle. I think."

"If you want your space again just tell me and I'll back off. On sight." I haven't been comfortable with skin-to-skin contact yet for obvious reasons, which includes cuddling and anything sexual. But the best way to get back to normalcy is with baby steps, and who better to take those steps with than Emily.

I nodded, "Okay. Can I be the little spoon though?"

"Of course, baby." Emily shifted onto her side behind me, letting me settle my back into her chest. She slowly snaked her arm over my abdomen, making a cacoon around us. "Is this okay, Jayje?"

"Mmhmm. This is nice."

"Yeah?"

I pulled her arm over me more and hummed, "I love being in your arms. They make me feel safe. You make me feel so safe."

Emily sighed and mumbled into my neck, "I'm sorry."

"'Sorry?' For what?"

"That I couldn't... make you feel safe sooner. That I couldn't stop him before he—"

"Hey, hey. It's not your fault, Emily, I don't blame you."

"I blame me. You're my girlfriend and I'm supposed to... I mean I want to protect you. I don't want you to ever go through any pain. I don't want you to know pain exists. I..."

"You what?"

"What?"

"You said 'I' and then you stopped. You what, Em?"

"I... Nevermind." She let out an anxious exhale. I knew what she wanted to say.

"Say it." I rolled over and looked at Emily face-to-face, "I want you to."

"I've never said it to anyone before. N-Not like this."

"Would you mean it?"

"With all my heart." I bit my lip and dreamily anticipated her next words. They came out, "I love you."

I took a deep breath and then relayed my feelings back, "I love you too, Emily." She blushed as the corner of her mouth smirked in a shy smile. I'd never seen her look cuter.

She softly said, "Say it again."

I giggled, "I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you!" Her arms pulled me into a warm bear hug, keeping me close to her chest and letting me hear her beating heart through her shirt. I pulled away and looked into her eyes, "I love you. This isn't your fault."

"It'll be a while until I can convince myself of that."

"That's all right. We both have to make peace with some things, I guess."

"Do you feel any more relief about the protection order? And my personal protection order? AKA my steel bat to Will's face?"

"Very funny. Honestly I do feel better. He hasn't been anywhere near me in almost six days which I know isn't technically a lot in hindsight but it seems like a lot to me now."

"Right."

"And I'll admit that your threats of an organized attack on him do make me feel protected."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I feel like... like you're almost a shield of armor around me."

"Oh yeah for sure so if it was like Aaron who was in charge he'd be like gold armor and then Derek would be iron but I'm pretty much like diamond armor, 'cause I'm the best, so you're definitely set."

"Are you comparing our posse to tiers of armor in Minecraft?"

"Yeah, why? Is my secret nerd showing?"

I winced, "It's not such a secret to me, Em."

"True. You're the fount of all my knowledge."

"Mmm I hold such power."

"You sure do, baby." Emily kissed my cheek and then started to trail down my jaw, inching toward my neck. The sensation was tolerable to me so far, so I leaned my head back and gave her more room. She mumbled, "Really? You're good?"

"Mmhmm. N-Not all the way though. I'm not ready for that."

"As you wish." She kept gently sucking and licking at my skin before rasping, "Can I give you a hickey?"

I moaned, "Yes please. Mark me up." Emily growled in growing desire and bit down lightly on my sweet spot. She paid attention to the area for a decent number of seconds before finally letting go and coming back up to my level. "How's it look?" I asked.

"Really sexy. Go look." I hopped off my bed and stepped over to my mirror.

"Emily! It's huge!" I was slightly ticked off at the size of the blemish but from the smug, confident look on Emily's face she was proud of it and completely unbothered.

"Indeed it is. One of my best works yet."

"This is gonna take forever to go away, you doof. The girls on the team are gonna give me such crap for this."

She put her hands behind her head and laughed, "Well you shouldn't have said yes."

I climbed back into bed and settled into her arms, "You make me regret so many decisions."

"But you love me, right?"

"I do."