rewrite the stars - jaywon

chapter 30

"No. No. No. I don't want to," Taehyun shook his head, looking anywhere but at Jay.

Jungwon felt something climb up and lodge itself in his throat. He had told himself not to get his hopes up. He'd reminded himself over and over on the ride to Beomgyu's apartment that Taehyun wouldn't necessarily know exactly what was wrong with Jay, that he wouldn't know exactly how to fix it.

But the one thing he hadn't warned himself of was the possibility that Taehyun wouldn't even want to try and figure it out.

"What do you mean, you don't want to?" Jungwon asked, hollowly.

It was all he could do to keep from shouting at Taehyun. He was probably a decent guy under normal circumstances. But that was a hard thing to remember when he was refusing to help Jungwon get his Jay back.

Sunghoon made a strangled noise at the back of his throat, reaching forward to clasp onto Jungwon's arm. Jungwon looked at Sunghoon, then down at his hand where it wrinkled Jungwon's hoodie sleeve.

Sunghoon immediately took his hand away, as if he'd been burned. And that suited Jungwon just fine.

He turned back to Taehyun. The supposed robot who was looking at him, freaked out and uncomposed. He kept shaking his head every time his gaze so much as neared Jay. It was starting to get on Jungwon's nerves.

"I mean," Taehyun gestured to where Jay stood, without actually glancing at him. He was staring wide-eyed at Jungwon, imploring him, "Look at him. He's messed up."

"I know he is," Jungwon's voice cracked in his desperation. Taehyun had been his one idea, his one chance, "I'm trying to get him fixed. And you won't even help me find out what's wrong with him? Why he's acting like he can't feel anything at all?"

"Jungwon," Sunghoon warned, though he knew better than to try and grab onto Jungwon a second time.

And, yeah, maybe it wasn't the smartest thing for Jungwon to go around shouting at his one shot for figuring out what was wrong with Jay and whether it was fixable. Maybe he should have heeded Sunghoon's warning, stood back and tried to manipulate Taehyun with kind words. Try to garner his sympathy and his pity and hope that he'd come around and eventually aid Jungwon.

But Jay was staring blankly ahead, his dead eyes not tracking the conversation at all. Jungwon hadn't seen him smile in days, and he had no way of knowing if he'd ever see him smile again.

"Taehyun, what's wrong? You were willing to help before you saw him. What's changed?" Beomgyu's concerned tone made Jungwon look away from Jay.

Taehyun shook his head, again. His eyes were cast down.

"I'm not gonna interface with him. I've seen 'bots get like that before. I've seen what-- what made them get that way."

It was his last sentence that stuck in Jungwon's head, ringing through like a claxon. Jungwon felt the fight sap from him as he looked at Jay and wondered, again, what his parents had done to him. Taehyun was acting like it was something worse than a reset. Something awful.

Jungwon felt something clench his heart.

Taehyun sounded so scared, so far away. It was like he wasn't there, with them in Beomgyu's living room. It was like he was somewhere else entirely. Just like that, Jungwon felt the last of his annoyance at the robot drain from him.

Yeonjun had said once, Jungwon recalled, that Taehyun had purchased his freedom. He wondered for the first time what Taehyun had had to buy his freedom from.

"What are you talking about? Are you talking about, like," Beomgyu lowered his voice, and said in a hesitant tone, "... your job? Before?"

Jungwon didn't know what Beomgyu was referring to. He wasn't sure if he was meant to, or if his words had just been for Taehyun alone. Probably the latter.

Jungwon drew closer to Jay, letting whatever subtextual conversation was happening between Beomgyu and Taehyun happen without his interference.

Jungwon wasn't giving up with Taehyun. But maybe, maybe it was time to start thinking of a different approach, if Taehyun continued to act scared at the prospect of even helping Jay. Maybe it hadn't been wise to just have one idea for fixing Jay.

Unthinking, Jungwon carded his hand through Jay's hair. He knew well enough that the he was doing this solely for his benefit. He was aware that, at best, Jay wouldn't react to his touch at all. At worst, Jay would step away, out of Jungwon's reach.

Jungwon ran his hands through the soft strands, feeling how they tapered to microscopic thinness between his pointer finger and thumb, feeling how the length shortened and shortened as his hand moved back, to the buzzed strands at the nape of Jay's neck. Then, Jungwon took a measured breath, and drew his hand away.

Looking at Jay's unwavering blank expression, Jungwon made him yet another promise, one he was determined to keep.

"We can find someone who'll look at you. There's gotta be a 'bot out there, someone who can help," Jungwon paused, feeling his shoulders hike up, remorseful at ever doubting what he was about to say, "I know you're in there, somewhere."

Jay, of course, didn't react. All that occured was another bright gleam of his eyes. Jungwon frowned. They kept doing that.

"Shit, damnit," A string of curses at Jungwon's back had him spinning away from Jay.

Taehyun had his hands in his hair, as he looked on at Jungwon with fear and something akin to pity. He was tugging at the blond strands, they spilled out from between his pale fingers like feathers.

Taehyun walked forward, "Fuck. Okay. I can do this."

— the end of chapter 30 ♡