rewrite the stars - jaywon

chapter 45

Jungwon wondered where Jay had gone, once he'd made himself scarce. He didn't have to wonder long-- he nearly tripped over Jay as he turned a corner towards the stairs.

Jay reached forward to steady Jungwon as he wobbled, off balance. His hand went up to seize Jungwon's forearm. Jungwon didn't have the heart to shake him off. This, at least, he could delude himself into thinking was just normal contact between friends.

"Fuck, Jay," he whispered, as he caught his breath, "There's... good news and bad news."

Jay's expression was unreadable in the dark. The only part of him that Jungwon could pick out were his eyes, from the way they shone, all opalescent and inviting. Jungwon's heart ached, even though he was relieved.

"The good news is that you're safe," Jungwon wanted to pause, gather his thoughts, but perhaps it would be best to just break it to Jay quickly. It'd be like ripping off a band-aid, "The bad news is that it's conditional on us not dating. I know I said I didn't care what they thought, and I still don't but, Jay. We have to stay friends. It's the only way they would promise not to reset you. You know I couldn't-- I couldn't bear to let that happen to you."

"Jungwon," Jay spoke in a whisper, cutting Jungwon's rambling short. He must have broken out into a grin, because Jungwon caught his teeth glinting, "I was listening in. You don't need to explain anything."

Jungwon's heart nearly stopped. Jay was smiling. Why was Jay smiling?

"Are you sure I don't?" Jungwon asked, confused.

He'd thought Jay would be more upset with him, that he'd given in so easily. Jungwon was angry with himself, for agreeing to his mother's demands before she'd even said them.

"I'm sure," Jay reached forward, his grin broadening. He reached out and brushed Jungwon's bangs aside, tucking the longest strands behind his ear. Jungwon's breath caught in his throat.

"I don't mind keeping us a secret from your parents. Do you?"

And just like that, Jungwon understood Jay's grin. Jungwon felt that fluttery feeling deep in his chest, felt happy and relieved beyond what he thought he had any right to feel. Jay's suggestion of keeping their relationship secret would work, he thought, but.

But Jungwon kind of hated it. He hated that just because of his parents' prejudice he and Jay could never be open about their relationship in their own home. If they wanted to talk, their conversations would have to be clandestine. Kisses would have to be stolen, secret.

"You deserve more than that," Jungwon said, honestly.

Jay wasn't some dirty secret for him, something to keep hidden out of fear of what people might say or do. Jay didn't deserve what Jungwon could give him now, with his promise to his parents. He deserved more. In time, Jungwon could only hope he'd be able to show him that.

"You-- you really don't know all you've done for me, all you've already given me. I don't know about deserving... but, right now, I have everything I've ever wanted," Jay's voice was laden with something heated that sent shivers down Jungwon's spine, "I said I was determined to keep us together. This is how, Jungwon-ah. This is how we can stay together."

Jay shifted, his body angling towards Jungwon. Jungwon wondered if he ought to close his eyes, if Jay was going to kiss him properly. Then, he heard Jay burst out into a muffled peal of soft laughter. Jay grasped onto Jungwon's hoodie sleeve, and tugged.

⭐

Jay led Jungwon to the stairs, releasing his sleeve when they reached them. Jungwon followed him as he walked up. With every step they ascended, Jungwon's heart beat faster. He'd long since given up on trying to figure Jay out, but it didn't stop his mind from speculating wildly as Jay led him up the stairs to Jungwon's bedroom.