rewrite the stars - jaywon

chapter 23

Sunghoon was seated on the park bench facing the playground when Jungwon walked up. He wondered how long he had kept Sunghoon waiting. He felt a twinge of guilt, at the thought of making him wait, but just a twinge.

"What's up?" Jungwon greeted. Sunghoon's eyes were drawn up from his hands, where they lay twiddling in his lap.

Sunghoon looked at him, his eyes wide. He seemed to be surprised to see Jungwon.

Jungwon shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know why Sunghoon would be surprised. Jungwon had told him he'd meet him at the park, after all.

"Jungwon," Sunghoon said, a myriad of emotions packed into that one single word.

Jungwon got the feeling that he was about to launch into another string of apologies. He sighed, and cut him off before he could get started.

"That's me."

He dropped onto the bench, intentionally sitting his usual distance from Sunghoon. No farther, no closer.

"Jungwon, I'm sorry," Sunghoon blurted out, in a rush, making Jungwon wince.

"So you said," Jungwon squinted. The afternoon sun was almost warm enough to make him regret wearing a hoodie. He pushed the sleeves up past his elbows. That would have to do.

"I'll keep saying it. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Jungwon turned to Sunghoon, looking at him with eyes still narrowed from staring out at the bright landscape, "I just wanna know why you did it."

Sunghoon paused as if, somehow, he hadn't expected that question at all. Jungwon rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what came over me," Sunghoon said, finally, frowning, "I don't know, Jungwon."

"Sorry, but that's crap," Jungwon sighed, crossing his arms and taking his eyes off Sunghoon. He was growing impatient, getting too frustrated with Sunghoon's continued excuses. Jungwon took a measured inhale.

"I just want an actual explanation. I don't need another apology."

"That's all it's gonna take for you to forgive me?" Sunghoon shook his head in his disbelief.

Jungwon snorted.

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

When Sunghoon laughed, it was nervous and tentative, like he wasn't sure he was allowed, "Right."

"Well?" Jungwon prompted.

As he waited, he turned his gaze to the playground. There were still children playing on it. Though the sun was hanging high in the sky and it had to be getting a bit warm for running about, the kids didn't care. Neither did their robot caretaker. Unperturbed by the heat, she chased one cackling kid around the playscape, through swingsets and under monkey bars.

"I guess..," Sunghoon spoke up, "...I guess I was afraid-- still am, honestly."

"Of what?"

Jungwon already knew, but he didn't know how much Sunghoon remembered of the night before. He was surprised Sunghoon even remembered that he'd come onto Jungwon. With as much as he drank, the whole conversation should have been a blank spot in his memory.

"Of being lonely..." Sunghoon inhaled, sharply.

Jungwon glanced from the kids playing to Sunghoon. He saw that Sunghoon wasn't looking at him at all. Instead, Sunghoon's eyes were cast downwards, to the dirt at his feet.

"It's stupid and selfish, but I can't shake the thought that Sunoo and Ni-ki finally getting together's gonna mean the end of the three of us. It's inevitable, though," Sunghoon looked up from the dirt, his eyes wide, "I should just accept it, right?"