till forever falls apart

Chapter 43: centuries later

Thranduil tossed and turned all night until he finally gave up on sleep. He turned over the events of the evening in his head over and over and over again until he just couldn't anymore. He sat up and blamed himself. He thought about his late wife. He was sure she would have never had these problems. She was always so kind and understanding that she could put anyone and everyone at their ease. He was too busy trying to shake away those thoughts to notice the door to his bedroom open. It was Legolas. The sound of the elfling's bare feet on the floor startled him. "Why are you up so late, little one?"

"Can I sleep with you, ada?"

"Of course," he answered with a great sigh of relief. "You can always sleep with me." Thranduil thought it best not to mention Legolas' earlier behaviour until he was ready to talk about it. Legolas cuddled up beside Thranduil as if nothing had happened. Thranduil thought that everything seemed right with the world. Legolas was back to himself, and he could once again cuddle with his elfling. But that feeling was shattered before long. Not long after Legolas climbed into bed, the elfling began crying. "What's wrong, Legolas? You're scaring ada and I need you to tell me."

Legolas continued crying for several minutes before finally being able to speak. "Why don't I have a nana here?" he asked between sobs. The question hit him like a ton of brick, knocked all of the aIl the wind out of him, and rendered him mute. It was the very question he'd been dreading and avoiding, quite frankly, ever since that horrible day. He knew Legolas would eventually be old enough to start asking questions, but that didn't make the question any more bearable. "Not everyone has a nana, Legolas. I don't. Galion doesn't."

"But why is my nana not with us anymore?" yelled Legolas. "Is this why you were so upset earlier? Did someone say something?" asked Thranduil, his anger rising. Legolas took his time to answer, knowing that he owed his ada a full explanation. "I was playing in the forest with my friends when some older children started talking to us. They made fun of me. They said that it was my fault that my nana is dead and my ada is always sad."

"That's not true, Legolas. You know it's true that your nana died. But it's not your fault. It's only the fault of those that killed her, and that was certainly not you." He paused to take a breath. He hadn't spoken about his wife openly since the day she died nearly a year ago, but the wound was as fresh as it had ever been. He didn't even really believe his own words. He definitely didn't blame his son; but guilt over failing to protect his family and loved ones still haunted him, and would probably haunt him until the end of his days. "She loved you more than anything. More than life itself. And she would be upset to know that you or anyone else is blaming you. Do you believe me?" Legolas took a moment to think about what his ada had said. "Are you sad, ada?" he asked with tears still welling in his eyes. Thranduil thought about his answer carefully. He didn't want to lie, but he wanted to spare his elfling from his misery if possible. "Not when I'm with you, little leaf."

"What's going to happen to me if you die?" Another question he wasn't prepared for. Thranduil hoped to never encounter those children who were tormenting Legolas, or their parents, he knew he would lose his cool. "You don't have to worry about that. I am not going to die. I am the greatest warrior on Arda. Anyone who dares challenge me will not live long enough to regret it. And if anything ever happens, I will go to the Valar themselves and force them to send me back to Arda. You know how stubborn I am. Glorfindel was reembodied and he is nowhere near as stubborn as I am. Believe me, Legolas, I will never leave you."

"Do you promise, ada?"

"Of course."

They spent a great deal of the night talking. Every once in a while, Thranduil made sure to mention how much Legolas' mother loved him. He wanted his son to know that he was and had always been loved, even if his mother was no longer with them to tell her son in person. Legolas' yawns were growing more frequent and they decided to call it a night. At least Thranduil would finally be able to sleep. He now knew what was bothering his son, the person most important to him on all of Arda, and was able to assuage his fears. He knew more questions about that fateful day that took his beloved away from him would start trickling out now. But now at least he'd be prepared for those painful questions. Legolas kissed his ada on the cheek one last time before pulling the covers over himself. "Ada?" he asked half asleep.

"Yes, little leaf?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, ion-nin. More than life itself." (my son)