Always And Never (Sapnotfound)

Chapter 18

A/N- I'm sorry this is a bit cringy

George's POV

A week later and I still had no idea what happened. All I knew was that nothing felt right, and everytime I read that damned text, my heart broke again and again.

Sapnap ❤ sun - 17:34
I'm so sorry George. I can't do this, we're not meant for eachother. I'm sorry I used you, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't like guys and it's unfair to lie to you.

That was all I'd received. No explanation why he ran out crying. Nothing on the phone call with his dad. He just left me. He told me he loved me, let me kiss him softly, and left.

My texts were never answered, always delivered and read, but never answered. Knowing he hadn't blocked me gave me some sort of comfort. Although I could never get a response I knew he was still there.

It wasn't like I was dumb. I knew he hadn't meant those words, his father had called him and he left in a hurry. This had something to do with that, and that's why I was so torn apart. I had gotten nothing from him, and Dream wouldn't explain it to me either, even though I knew he had more information than I did.

I was so damn angry, and upset, and worried. No one was talking to me, and even worse, Dream was trying to help me out when he had the information that could help me understand. I hadn't even ate all week, just a little bit when my mom told me I looked sick.

School was out of the question too. I tried my luck Monday, and made it through half the day before I skipped and went home. Sapnap completely ignored me, Dream wasn't doing too well at being a good friend either. So I went home. The combination of my mom always checking up on me and the millions of missed calls and unread messages upset me more. I didn't want to talk to them. I wanted Sapnap.

And it was pathetic, the next Monday, how I pulled on one of his sweatshirts while getting ready for school. He'd only given it to me recently, which meant I could still smell him on it, and I cried.

I cried when I looked in the mirror too. I'd always been small, some part of my brain knew that, yet I'd never felt that great in my body. So with the lack of sleep and the heartache, I let myself believe I was fat. That's must've been why he was easily convinced to leave me. I wasn't pretty enough for him. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny enough. No one would want some fat, ugly whore like me.

School that day, that week was excruciatingly painful. Passing by him going to class, remembering how it felt to hold his hand when he walked me there. Sitting next to him last hour, trying not to cry. Again. As we silently worked. Lunch happened to be the worst. Instead of practice with his teammates, he sat at the lunch table with the cheerleaders.

I watched as they all threw themselves upon him. It hurt as he actually let one sit on his lap. All week, she was all over him. And it hurt most to look at him and see that he looked to enjoy himself. Already. How could he feel so fine so fast?

Even the next week, they were together. Official. Two weeks was all it took. Two weeks and I had been replaced. Her ass still hanging out of too short shorts, yet being covered by his sweatshirt. His favorite sweatshirt. MY favorite sweatshirt. And it laid across her shoulders, accompanied by his arm around her waist, walking her to class like he'd done with me.

Dream did his best to cheer me up, car rides to school filled with sad attempts to start a conversation. He asked me to hang out with him on multiple occasions and I always declined. I knew it made him feel bad, and I knew he wanted to help, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be alone. To be alone and continue trying to be better for him.

"Goddammit George!" Dreams fists hit the steering wheel as he stopped the car, "Can't you see you're killing yourself? I'm trying to help you and you're fucking killing yourself!"

I continued to look at the floor, pulling my sleeves down further, "I miss him Dream, I'm not killing myself, I'm just want to be perfect. Like her, his girlfriend. I never made him happy like that."

I didn't have to say who. Dream knew.

He scoffed, "Happy? George have you seen him? He's fucking miserable. He's just as miserable as you. It's all an act! Can't you see that? You know him as well as I do! He doesn't care about her. He wants you!"

"If he wanted me, he wouldn't have left. Dream, he left me! He hurt me! And he moved on like it was nothing! It's barely been a month and he's already got someone! Don't fucking tell me he cares about me. Lying doesn't make me feel any better!"

I watch as he runs a hand through his sandy locks, frustrated. "Open you're eyes George! Please. If you actually fucking looked you would see that you're not the only one suffering. Fuck! I've been here all month for you recovering nothing in return, while also trying to comfort my other best friend. It's hard on everyone George, not just you."

"What the fuck does Sapnap have to be comforted for?!"

"His father you idiot! It's his fault any of this happened, just cause he found you guys together and saw the skirt-"

Dream cut himself off.

"What do you mean? Dream his dad wasn't around, anywhere around us."

"I'm not supposed to talk about that, it's not my place to say. You need to talk to him."

That was that, no matter how many times I pressed and asked about it Dream kept his mouth shut. All the way to school. And maybe I did see a hint of sadness in Nick's eyes that day.