The Alias

Twenty Nine

"I think I should start walking you to work," Matsuda argued as he ate a mouthful of Yaki Udon next to me. I stopped picking at mine with my chopsticks and looked up at him.

"Why?" I asked suspiciously. Matsuda sighed and placed his chopsticks down.

"Because there are people out there who want to kill you, Aki." Matsu turned his chair to face me completely. "I've almost lost you twice now; I can't deal with that again." His voice cracked, and his eyes began to water. "I love you, Aki, and to see you struggling every day of your life knowing that I can't just make it all go away hurts so much, and I'm trying so hard to do as much as I can to make sure you're safe, and if that means I'll have to walk you to and from work every day, then so be it."

My heart ached, seeing the pain that I had caused him the past few months. I knew he was trying to help me, but I couldn't have him finding out that I lied about getting a job so I could sneak into the library after hours and communicate with the Investigation Team. "Maybe I should just quit. I mean, I'm usually the only one there my entire shift," I lied, "and I don't think my manager would be so thrilled if you stayed with me the entire time."

"Well, I guess since I'm making money again, you don't need a job anymore. Although I think it's important for you to maintain some financial independence... Maybe I can talk Ryuzaki into getting you on some sort of payroll..."

I let him think out loud while I came up with a new plan, which involved waiting until he fell asleep every night to sneak out. I hated having to keep lying to him, but I had no other choice. I swallowed the last bit of my Udon and placed my chopsticks neatly next to my bowl, looking back over at Matsu. He was still mumbling about how he could talk Ryuzaki into paying me and mindlessly stuffing his cheeks with Udon. I giggled at the sight of him. He ate like he cooked: messily. I picked up my napkin and turned his head towards me, wiping a glob of sauce from his chin. "I'm going to go tape a sandwich bag and gauze over my cuts and take a shower. Maybe you should join me, your face is a mess."

***

I had gotten in and out of the library without being attacked, and I was feeling pretty good. I was nearly home now, only about a minute down the road, and there were quite a few cars speeding down the street, so I felt safe enough to tune out. Accidentally stepping into a puddle, I was flashed back to the rooftop. Ryuzaki had dragged Light into the rain just to sit with me, and had the audacity to assume I'd tell him who had hurt me. I wished that he would just leave me alone. I was with Matsu now, and I was extremely happy with him, but I still couldn't seem to get Ryuzaki out of my head. He had dug his claws so deeply into me that I wasn't sure if I'd ever truly get over him. I am so pathetic.

I opened the door to the condo and placed the keys lightly on the counter before creeping back into the bedroom. I had gone to the library in my pajamas, so I just climbed back into bed and snuggled into Matsu's arms. He was still in the exact same position I left him in, and didn't wake when I slid myself back into his arms. He just sleepily latched onto me like a toddler would cuddle a teddy bear and grunted. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but all I could picture was Ryuzaki. Just the mere thought of him sent me into seething rage.

I laid in bed stewing in my own anger until the sun rose the next morning at about 6:30am, managing to doze off for half an hour before the alarm clock woke me once again. Matsu reached over me to turn off the buzzing clock and sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. I sat up as well and started scratching his back, causing him to flop onto my lap. "Good morning," I purred. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his face into my stomach as I continued, "You know what I realized last night? We've been together almost two months now, said 'I love you' numerous times, seen each other naked, and live together, yet I still don't know your favorite color."

"I already told you I don't have a favorite."

"I know you say you don't, but everyone has a favorite color. Usually you can tell by what color clothes they wear or which color game piece they choose to play with, but you change it up constantly and it drives me crazy."

***

The ride to headquarters was actually fun, we listened to the radio and belted along to the songs we knew, not caring if anyone heard. It felt almost as though things were normal, like I wasn't depressed or in danger. For the first time in a long time, I felt completely ordinary, and it put me in a great mood. That feeling didn't last long, however, because the moment we walked into the main room of headquarters, Ryuzaki explained to us that he may have found Kira. He said that he had tracked Kira to the Yotsuba Corporation, and that he was certain there was an entire group of people dealing with the killings. Since Light had been in quarantine, Kira had been killing not only criminals, but large business executives and businessmen. This was out of ordinary for Kira, and I knew that Light wasn't behind these killings. This meant that Light had somehow relinquished his power onto another, and it infuriated me.

Much to my disdain, Ryuzaki assigned Matsu to be Misa's manager instead of doing actual detective work. He was supposed to follow her around while she did various modelling jobs and acted in a movie down the street. To say I was angry was an understatement. Matsu was a police officer, not a babysitter. I didn't come back to this case just to watch Matsu get pushed around and underestimated like this, but I had no power here. I tried arguing with Ryuzaki to no avail, so Matsu left with Misa and I was left to deal with Ryuzaki and Soichiro alone. Wonderful.

At first I tried ignoring Soichiro completely, but his persistence was incredulous. I was on my fifth cup of coffee, of which I hadn't had in almost two months, and I was shaking uncontrollably from the caffeine. Unable to stay still, I paced back and forth behind Ryuzaki and Light as they sat typing on their computers.

"Aki, how about this, if you come home I'll buy you your own car."

"Bitch, you can't buy me."

"Aki, please, I'm begging you. Come home," Soichiro pleaded. I stopped pacing. "I raised you, brought you up as my own. Surely that means something to you?"

"I'll admit you raised me. That is, when you were actually there. But Sachiko treated me horribly. You may want me home, but I know for a fact that she does not. Did you know that, growing up, she never once told me she was proud of me? She never valued a single thing that I did. She didn't even seem to treat me as a member of your family. Even when she introduced me to people, she never called me her daughter. It would go like this, she would say 'this is my son Light, this is my daughter Sayu, and that over there is just Akihito'. Just Akihito. And she's right, you know. I am just Akihito. I have no last name, no origin, no home. I am completely alone in this God-forsaken world. I know she hates me, and honestly, I don't blame her because I hate me too," I spat, allowing pure adrenaline to take over my vocal cords. By the time I was finished speaking, I had progressed from a soft mumble to a harsh scream. My words cut through the air like a knife, and everybody stared at me in shock. I began pacing again. "The only person outside you who seems to genuinely like me as a person is Matsu. I mean, I personally don't get it, he's such a great guy with a huge heart, and I'm, well, me. But I try not to ask questions because if I do, he might start seeing me the way everyone else sees me. Like a loser, a freak, a-a... a joke." I took a deep breath, causing a shooting pain to radiate down from the wound on my rib. I clutched my side in pain, but remained walking. Just as Soichiro reached out a hand to me, Matsu and Misa burst through the door.

"Light, I'm back!" she sang, running over and sitting on his lap. I dodged Soichiro's hand and continued pacing, still unable to stand still.

"Aki? Why are you-Oh my god!" He glanced at the five to-go cups piled on the table next to my desktop and strode over to me, grabbing my shoulders to make me stop walking. "Aki, please tell me those aren't all yours."

"But that would be lying." I trembled under his hands, my muscles now slaves to the bottled up energy provided by the coffee.

"Aki, you're not supposed to be-" I cut him off by giggling uncontrollably, just then realizing how ridiculous my monologue had made me sound. I was losing grip of my life, and I had just now noticed exactly how far gone I was. "What's so funny?"