The Alias

M-Twenty One

"We pumped her stomach and ran a few tests, and what we found was quite disturbing. There was enough cyanogenic glycoside, or cyanide poison, in her blood to kill a fully grown 130 pound man, so it is a miracle she survived. If you had started CPR even a minute later, she wouldn't have made it," he pushed up his glasses, "that being said, she is also showing signs of extreme malnutrition. The muscles in her arms have begun to atrophy, meaning they are losing mass at an alarming rate, so her recovery time from the stress her body is under right now will be longer than usual. So what I'm trying to say here, Mr. Matsuda, is that she is going to need constant care."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes, there is. Unfortunately, due to overcrowding, we do not have the staff power to accept any more long term patients at this time. We will hold her for three days to build up her strength as much as possible, but it is going to be up to you to care for her at home, and I will provide you with all the resources and support you'll need to do so. But, if you are not up for it, there are other options-"

"I'm up for it," I interrupted.

He nodded, "Very good. If you are ready, I will go over all the general information with you and answer any and all of your questions in the process. Don't worry, though, I will also provide you with written instructions and pamphlets as well as numbers you can call with any questions you may have..."

***

I read over Aki's note for at least the 20th time as I laid in the hospital bed next to her. It had been three hours since the doctor first spoke with me, and Aki had been unconscious the entire time. I'd gotten so used to the sound of the heart monitor that I didn't even hear it anymore. All I heard now was the faint sound of her breathing. I folded the note, which was already becoming soft from constant handling, and slid it in my pocket. My eyes were dry from crying and stung every time I blinked, but I didn't care. I sighed and turned over to face her completely. She looked so peaceful; her once pale cheeks were now slightly rosy from finally receiving the sleep she needed. As I glided my focus down her face, I saw her lifeless body before me once again, eyes open and dilated, expressionless and... dead. I forced the image from my mind and grimaced, the doctor disclosed that Aki was basically dead while I was giving her CPR, that I was the only thing keeping her brain alive. Sliding myself closer to her, I pressed the bridge of my nose against her cheek and closed my eyes.

About twenty minutes later, a nurse came in to check Aki's vitals, which they did every hour, and I watched her put the blood pressure cuff around her arm. As it inflated Aki stirred, moving for the first time all day, and my breath caught in my throat. I instinctively put my hand on her cheek and turned her head to me. "Hey," I cooed, "don't worry, I'm right here." She groaned, the nurse took off the cuff, and Aki sluggishly slapped her hand onto mine. She didn't open her eyes, though, and I could tell she wasn't fully conscious, so I just pulled her close and held her to my chest.

"I got your letter," I whispered softly, not caring that she couldn't hear me, "I should have seen the signs. I should have held you more, kissed you more, told you how much I cared. I failed you... But I promise I'll try harder this time." I kissed her forehead and nuzzled my cheek against the top of her head. Closing my eyes, I continued speaking softly to her, as if she were awake and listening. I told her about how dull grocery shopping was, and how they were out of cucumbers of all things. I told her that I had bought her an industrial-sized box of Hello Panda cookies, a whopping 9.1 ounces of pure sugar, and that she was only allowed one individual packet a day. I told her I finally bought a kitchen table. I smiled, knowing if she were awake, she'd scoff at me and tell me she would just sneak another packet while I wasn't looking. I'd pretend not to see when she did it, and I'd pretend to be mad when I 'found out'. She'd kiss me and tell me I was cute when I was mad, and I'd stuff my face into the nape of her neck, embarrassed. "Aki," I said apprehensively, "I think I'm falling in love with you."