Peter
Ned
I don't feel so good
I think I broke something, and my stomach is definitely bleeding.
Do you know how to stitch skin? Cause I could really use that knowledge right about now.
Unknown
Jesus christ
Wrong number, kid.
What the hell were you doing that left you with a broken bone, a bleeding stomach, and something worth stitching up?
Peter
Are you not Ned?
Oh God, sorry Miss
Or mister!
Or neither!!!
Sorry
Uh, what are your pronouns?
Unknown
Mister will do
Peter
Right, sorry
Uh
I was doing the dishes
And I fell
On the water
The soapy water
So uh, I fell really hard
I also broke a plate
Hence why I am bleeding
Also I landed on my arm
So it's broken
:)
Also, I'm not a kid
Unknown
So everything you just said was a lie. Got it.
I've got a lying kid on my hands, great job Tony.
What really happened, Kid? Are you in any danger?
Peter
I'm not lying!
And I'm not a kid!
And I'm not in danger!
Sorry, didn't mean to put the exclamation point on the last one.
Mr. Tony
Hmmmm
Yeah, not really believing the first two statements
Look, kid. I have work I need to be doing right now. And if you die, that's on me; I would have been the last person you talked to who could have saved you.
Now probably unlike your friend Ted, I do know how to stitch skin up. Now tell me where it is, how deep it is, and how long it is.
Peter
*Ned
It's um
It's embarrassing.
Mr. Tony
It can't be that bad. Lay it on me
Peter
It's on my butt
Mr. Tony
How the hell
Nevermind, it doesn't matter. How deep and how long?
Peter
That's what she said!! XD
Mr. Tony
Not now Micheal, this is serious
Peter
Sorry
It's pretty deep, and it's as long as my middle finger
Mr. Tony
Kid, I don't know how long your middle finger is.
Peter
Right!
Sorry, Sir!
It's uh, it's as long as six pennies
Mr. Tony
Why did you use pennies, out of everything you could have used to measure it???
Peter
What, did you want me to pull a ruler out of my ass?
The only thing I had were pennies
Omg omg omg
I'm so sorry sir!
I didn't mean to be mean I'm just in pain and I'm tired.
I'm so so so so so sorry sir!!!!!!
Mr. Tony
Kid, it's fine
It was honestly hilarious
Alright, so you need to *tells peter how to properly stitch someone's ass back together so their second ass crack is gone forever*
Got it?
Peter
I think so. Thanks, sir
Mr. Tony
Just call me Tony, kid
Peter
Okay, Mr. Tony
Mr. Tony
Close enough
YOU ARE READING
Wrong Number, Kid.
FanfictionPeter texts who he thinks is his best friend, Ned. When it turns out he typed in the wrong number - the stranger intrigues Peter. What Peter doesn't know, is that the stranger on the other side of the phone is his biggest idol - genius, billionaire...
