/ / F A L L I N G F A S T / /

/ / S I X T E E N / /

~Everyone gather around for a show,

Watch as this man disappears as we know.

Do me a favor and try to ignore,

As you watch him fall through a bleeding trapdoor.~

hey guys before I start this chapter I want to apologize for the extremely slow update Ive been overloaded with stuff lately.

so heres sixteen and im thinking about ending this story soon. i feel like its almost out... opinions?

im really sorry :/ hope youre all okay,

love jordan xx

Skylars POV

I had to admit that I was happy to see Sam, but the hapiness didn't seem to last. I didn't stay in that state of mind for long afterwards. It wasn't because of anyone, in fact I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way.

I was losing focus on my relationship with Matty. I still loved him, incredibly too much, but I wasn't as engaged. I think he began to notice this.

The night when I got back from Sam's I had another awful nightmare. It was haunting and painful. I woke up in the bathroom crying. Matt was standing over me shaking my shoulder gently. He was saying 'it's okay, you're okay' over and over again. I got this sick feeling in my stomach that suddenly; I wasn't.

He didn't ask me what I had dreamed of until it happened again. I told him it was just bad flashbacks, but he didn't seem to believe that. As a matter of fact, I didn't believe that. I knew what my dreams were, all those memories of mom and dad, my aunt and Doug. I knew what it was. I knew I was not okay. Instead of getting help I lied. I kept feeding Matty these lies, that I was just going through a phase and in a few months this would all be over. I started telling him we shouldn't sleep together as much because I wasn't feeling good and so he would leave for a few nights. It was a mean trick but I couldn't let him keep seeing me like this. He didn't need to see me like this.

Sometimes he would refuse and he would sleep on the couch. I had to stay awake all night in a state of mind where I was with Doug. I could feel the blows on my arms and face. I felt the glass tearing my leg. I could feel it all, but I wouldn't let myself scream. I couldn't let the neighbors here that Doug was here. They would call the police again and I couldn't afford the hospital trip. I could hear his footsteps pacing in front of me. I thought he was with Kate? I thought I was safe tonight. I heard him cry out how I was an awful girlfriend, how could I do this to him? I saw his face looking through me and seeing all my flaws. I know I'm a bad person Doug. I know. I'm sorry. But somehow couldn't get those words out of my throat. It was like I was trapped in that day. I was there. It was real. It was happening again. Where was Matty? Did I even know Matty? Where was my savior?

Or was it? Was this all real, or was I going completely insane? I felt all those things, all my senses were in tact. It ad to be real... right?

But last time I checked I was in my room staring wide eyed at my ceiling, body in a staight line, praying Matty wouldn't come in. That was reality... I think.

It was as if my mind was one place as my body was somewhere else. The real question was where was the correct moment? Was I living one moment of my life over and over again, or was I trying to start a new with the boy I loved? If you were to ask me these questions, I would not be able to answer, because I had no clue where I was. I had no idea what life I was living. I was in this hazy state of mind, as though I was drugged, yet I knew I wasn't. I was so scared. Try putting yourself in that mind set, I had no idea where my life was. Was I dreaming about Matty and I, or was I remembering Doug?

After those nights I would wake up, supposedly in my real life with Matt. I questioned everything from then on. Was I alive anymore, or had Doug killed me and this was my dream life? Maybe I was sent from afterlife to watch over Matty, or maybe this whole past few months I was comepletely drugged and this was just me tripping.

To be honest there was no way to truly explain what I felt during those time periods. I couldn't even figure it out myself, how could I try to explain it to someone else? I could barly figure out this far. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him about it. What was the point of it all anyways? This could be something unreal. I would have to die at some point right? Or was it I would have to wake up at some point and time? It wouldn't matter if I spoke up anyways. I might as well just leave it in and deal with it. After all there are people out there with way worse of lives than myself. I should be greatful I have Matty, or a dream of Matty.

Which ever it was I was temporarily happy with it.

That's all that mattered.

Right?