/ / F A L L I N G F A S T / /

/ / E I G H T / /

~And you opiate this hazy head of mine,

cause you're my medicine, yeah you're medicine.~

After we had both gotten cleaned up Matty was the one who decided we should go get my books, so we headed out. I looked a little rough and Matty's hand was wrapped up and with my black eye it was a little questionable as to what happened, as the clerk had inquired.

"Uhm, bad day?" She asked gesturing to my eye and then glancing at his hand.

"Oh this is from a while ago," I said pointing to my eye which wasn't too bruised, just tinted purple, "And he got in an accident so." I said, lying through my teeth. At least she wasn't looking at Doug, who had a good amount of new cuts and bruises.

"Oh." she replied very cautiously and still obviously worried.

Matty laughed a bit on the way out.

"What?" I asked.

"Just ironic if you think about it." I let this idea run through my mind and found that it really was.

"Off to uptown then?" He smiled at this and said that we should probably stay in tonight considering we looked like we had gotten in a fist fight with each other. This was true, so we went to the self-movie rental kiosk and ordered Chinese since it was already three o'clock.

It was an unusally long ride home from the kiosk and it was awkawardly silent. Matt was the first one to speak.

"So were you planning on telling me this? I mean I know we just met but, I really do care about you and.... I just don't want you in any pain love."

I thought this over, and honestly I didn't know if I was going to tell him. I guess not, he never directly asked and I never was fond of the idea of telling someone. Not even Sam knew. I always just retreated to the safety of my house and stayed alone until Doug would come by and try to make a mends. I guess I was going to tell Matty right? I mean this was what I had been hoping for right? Someone to be there for me and let me talk to them about everything. At least I was hoping to tell him. I guess.

"I guess I was, I don't really know. I've never told anyone, not even Sam. I'm not sure why honestly, maybe I was scared. I don't really know what I've been feeling and thinking. I mean I feel like I just woke up from a daydream and I haven't really been paying attention to what's been happening."

We kind of left it at that, mainly because we were at my house. Matty brought in the movies (we had rented eight, saying that we could pull an all nighter) and stacked them in order of watching. The delivery man dropped off our food and we started our movies. After the first one Matt broke the silence.

"We can drop it after this but I'm just wondering... How long has this been happening?"

I thought over my answer carefully. I decided to tell the truth. "Four months ish. It's not that bad really, I'm fine." He was still watching me as I nervously played with my sleeves. He took my hand.

"Is it really bad?"

"No only a few scars."

"May I see?"

"Why?" I asked ever so shyly.

"Because I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there."

All I could do was fall into him and cry. Which is where we stayed for almost a half an hour. He slowly stroked my hair, occasionally whispering to me that it's okay and that I was safe now.

After a few minutes I pulled up my sleeves to reveal to him my scars from Doug. Some were bruises and a couple cuts, and then I pulled up the bottom of my pant leg and which showed the worst scar I had from him, which Matty asked about it was a long jagged line down my cafe. I told him the story which was a bit longer considering the depth of the fight.

It was late and Doug was drunk, this was a few months ago. I was at his house and he was mad that I had forgotten to make him dinner. He then accused me of lying to him and disrespecting him. He said that I was always awful to him and that I was never around. He was the one who had just gotten off probation. So when I tried to apologize he just got angrier and worse. I ran to the basement to hide while he wasn't looking but he had heard me. He came down after me with another bottle of beer. He wasa screaming at me and I started crying, so he called me weak. He took a long swig and then smashed the bottle against wall and held it up to me. I remember thinking this was the end and that he was going to actually kill me. I thought that I would never make it out of this. When all of a sudden he strated crying and then slashed my leg with it and slapped me, then leaving. I had to wrap my leg and call Sam to drive me to the hospital telling him I slipped and cut it on a corner of something. I hated lying to him but I didn't want him to worry. Besides since then Doug has always tried to control himself. The memory just hurt.

"You need to get rid of him." He said quietly but firmly.

"I know." I said back, still curled under his arm. We turned on the next movie and made small talk until my phone went off, close to the end of the movie. It was him of course.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey." He said simply. No apology, no I love you. Nothing but 'hey'.

"Hi, I'm kind of busy right now is there something you need?" He seemed to studder at this, as if he was confused that I wasn't dropping everything for him.

"I assume with your new guy friend?" He stressed the word guy.

"Yes actually, even though it's none of your business." I could feel him frowning. He had a bit of a drunk tone to him. "I assume you're at Kate's since you usually go there to get wasted."

"Yeah I am, even though it's none of your business." I had put him on speaker so Matty laughed at this. I could hear Kate in the background screaming, obviously wasted too, 'party Doug come on'. It made me sick.

"Well since we're both not very connected and have other people in our lives I guess this is it. It's been fun, have a nice life, try to stay sober longer than two days." I hung up on him yelling and screaming. I knew Kate would try to calm him, but with that. Doug and I were done. I did cry. I cried for a long time, but what was important was thst Matty was the one holding me and telling me I did the right thing.

While the sky turned a deep purple and the stars began to sparkle one by one, my heart hurt, and I knew this is not the way a broken heart should feel. I wasn't hurting because of the break up, I was hurting because I knew that Matty and I would never have a true love, at least not a relationship. We might have a long lasting friendship, I mean there's no turning back now, but we would never have a love. I hoped we would, I hoped with all my heart that I would fall harder. It's kind of ironic isn't it? Love is like a form of self inflicting pain, you want so desperately to fall in love and have this perpeptual love for someone, this ultimate caring about another human being, when really you always get hurt somehow. And we know that, but always keep looking. We always seek out someone who promises not to take away our self-confidence, our morals, our happiness, but in exchange they have to take your heart; which could hurt more than anything else.

I looked up at him and smiled. He seemed confused as to why, I guess because I was supposed to be upset that I had just broken up with my boyfriend of six almost seven months.

"What?" He asked.

"I just love being with you."

We stayed up all night talking about how these movies were so predictable and discussing what we were going to do tomorrow, until I soon fell asleep, feeling greater than I ever had in a long time.

A/N-

hey guys sorry to kind of leaving you hanging for a bit on that last chapter. i hope you're all enjoying this cuz it's been taking a lot of thought(:

I will try to update thursday (1/22/14) because my exams will be over then and I'll actually have time to write! hope you're all having a good holiday, and not stressing too much over exams!

much love as always, jordan xx