/ / F A L L I N G F A S T / /

/ / E I G H T E E N / /

"If you love me let go,
cause these words are knifes
and often leave scars."

Matty's POV.

I made a promise that day, that I would never love anyone else. My love went with her last breath. I knew I would never meet someone as special as her. I wish she would've talked to me about everything; maybe she would still be here. Her demons must've taken over, I wish she could've seen that she was safe now. You could tell it was PTSD that took over.

I still remember exactly how that day went. Every detail leading up to it. I woke up that day and made breakfast for Skylar and I. She had been quiet for the past few days so I thought it might cheer her up. She smiled when she saw the display of eggs, hash browns, and bacon. I had missed that smile for a long time.

I would miss it more than ever now. The way her right side of her mouth would turn to a smile first. How she laughed so hard she would toss her head back. All those little things about her; I regret not telling her more. I wonder if she knew how much I cared about her. We went to lunch that day. She didn't eat much, which made me even more worried. I tried to make small talk, but it seemed awkward since she was being so out of sorts.

We went home and something slowly changed her. Over the course of five days, her memories took over her mind and trapped her. They locked her inside her past, and left her there to break down. She frequently was making comments to herself. I never understood what she was saying, because she mumbled. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night, to find her crying in the bathroom. I hated to see her in so much pain. I tried to ask what was wrong but she would just shake her heard and cry 'I'm so sorry, please.' She refused to talk about it or see a doctor.

When we sat down on the couch she stared into blank space and curled her knees to her chest. It reminded me of when I came and picked her up. She has done the same thing that night, but I had held her. I knew if I touched her she would get even more afraid. I told her we should take her to see someone she would talk to, because she wouldn't talk to me.

Then she snapped.

I remember her screaming at me that she was fine, she didn't need help. She said I didn't trust her. That hurt the most, because I felt like I hurt her. I got this awful feeling in my stomach. I remember seeing her run out of the house with her keys in her hand. I grabbed mine and followed her. It was raining hard, which was uncommon for the autumn. If I had the choice she would've let me drive, but all I could do was follow and hope to get to her. About five minutes later she pulled into a neighborhood and ran out of her car onto a bridge. I ran out after her and I could see the fear in her eyes.

She then did something, a picture that will always replay in my mind, she pulled a gun. Somehow she had it inside her coat, and ever so slowly pointed it at me. I felt myself go cold. I was about ten feet away from her, when I heard her shout to me.

"I'm not going to be hurt anymore."

"No Sky, it's Matty. Remember me? Sky you're safe now. He's gone." She was breathing heavy with a look of anger on her face. She seemed to think this over.

The sad thing is, (and true) even with her finger arched around the trigger of a gun she aimed towards me, I was still madly in love with her. I still had a desire to kiss her pain away and hold her as she shook and cried.

"I can't keep living through this everyday." She said softly but loud enough so I could hear her. Tears flowed into her cheeks.

"You don't have to Skylar, I will help you through this. I'm going gone to be here every step until you're okay again." I stepped slightly and she lowered the gun.

"No," she almost whispered, "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I love you, and I want to help you." I was so close. She whispered something inaudible as she pulled the gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

"No Skylar!" I yelled but I was too late. By the time I could say her name she was gone. I ran to her and held her. I held her as her blood stained my white tank top, just as her tears had only five months ago. I told her one last sentence before I screamed and refused. One of the neighbors heard and called the police. All I could do was scream and pace. Why did he do this? This was his fault. This was all his fault. If he had treated her like a human being she would still be here. I looked at that gun and thought about blowing his head off. I knew that was wrong, and I wanted him to suffer the rest of his life knowing her death was because of him.

She was lying there on the ground. I looked up into the space above her. For a second I thought I could see her stand up and touch me. I could feel her hand running through my hair. It was her favorite thing to do. She used to say her fingers could get lost in it. Maybe it was my own hand. Then again I had seen her death. She couldn't have survived that. Suddenly I saw all the memories we had. Some people may say I didn't know her long enough to truly love her. That wasn't true though, I loved her from the start and I would always love her.

I had so many memories I wanted to make with her. I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. In a way I guess we did. At least for her. I spent a little over five months with this beautiful girl, who now lies in front of me dead. Eaten alive by traumatic memories. My thoughts kept going to how am I going to tell the boys? They loved her. They thought of her as a sister and I knew this would hurt them tremendously. We were all going to go to dinner next week. Maybe I'd tell them then. Before Skylar had gone silent she used to text George, Adam and Ross all the time. Her and Adam even went out to lunch sometimes. I wasn't jealous, I was happy they got alone. Skylar told me once how they were like family to her.

I was happy they all worked together. It was actually Ross' idea to get her a giant tiger. I had asked them for ides and he said get her a giant stuffed animal that she likes. George helped with wrapping the box. Adam bought the bow for the top. From the start they liked her. I had no idea how they'd react to the news. What about Sam? Oh gosh, how was I going to tell him? It would break his heart. She was so loved... I don't understand. Well I do, I understand how she couldn't even process her own feelings. All those nightmares, turned into daydreams and I guess she didn't know how to tell anyone.

I'll never forget how she laughed, or the way she let her hair out of a bun. I just don't know how I'm going to love anyone after this.

Then I thought about what she said before that moment. What was it? I would never know now. Unless...

Unless I went with her. The gun was lying in front of me, next to her soft face which now has dripping traces of blood. Would she want that? It was very 'Romeo and Juliet' like, which I don't think she would've wanted to come of her death. She wasn't that type of girl. But how could she do this?

I, mentally and physically, wasn't sure if I was supposed to be angry or sad. Maybe I should be guilty. Maybe I should have tried harder to help her. I felt my heart speed up and my breathing get quicker. I started to shake; my throat wouldn't let my screams escape.

She's gone.

As my body fell to the wet pavement, next to hers that sentence shocked my veins.