/ / F A L L I N G F A S T / /

/ / T W E N T Y / /

We held the funeral at a small church house on the outskirts of town. I had told the high school what happened and asked if they could invite a few of her friends. Sam had driven down that morning and we had gone out to lunch before the funeral. It was a quiet day, neither of us had much to say, but at lunch he asked me a strange question.

"Matty, do you remember the first day you met Skylar?" He was staring into his tea. I glanced up with a slightly confused but blank expression.

"Of course I do, why?"

His eyes remained locked on his tea.

"That night, she called me," he paused, "she said 'Sam you'll never guess who I just drove around Howell.' She told me all about it, and I have to tell you Matty, in my time of being best friends with that girl, I have never heard her so happy. I remember her voice as she told me how she almost forgot about Doug. If it wasn't for you Matthew, she would have eventually been beaten to death. You changed her life, you know that?"

I looked at him now -tears pricking his eyes and my own- I told him, "Sam, out of all the mistakes I've made in my life, I'm proud to say to she was not one of them. She was my own pride and joy, I couldn't have asked for a better true love."

We say there in silence, anticipating who would speak next, but the quiet was comfortable. It was welcoming. That small reel of memories I had with her circling over and over again in my mind. I'm sure Sam was experiencing the same thing.

Silence is always a beautiful thing, it could always help heal things. I found myself in silence after Sky's death, quite often. It wasn't something I was upset over. I enjoyed it, actually. It was nice to have time to think.

We headed to the funeral afterwords where we met the boys. They were all wearing black jeans, no holes, a form of blacks flowy shirt, and a black jacket. It wasn't much of an outfit change for us, but you could tell they were being respectful. Sam wore a dress shirt and a tie Skylar had bought him. I was supposed to make a speech at this. I was nervous to be speaking in front of these people who were mourning. I was used to screaming crowds and fainting girls.

It was also strange for me to be inside a church. I hadn't been to a service ever in my life. I was somewhat curious of what to expect.

The priest began the ceremony as George, Adam, Ross, Sam and I sat in the first pew. Five boys who a week ago lost a part of them. The sound of the bullet still rung through my brain at the call of her name.

When I got to the podium I pulled out my small paper with my speech. I stood there in front of all these people with one thing in common with them. Death. Pure sorrow and mourning. I cleared my throat and began.

"I would like to first introduce myself to most of you who don't know me. My names Matthew, or Matty, I have a band called The 1975 and for the past five months I was in a relationship with Skylar." I ran my hand through my curls as I felt my palms begin to sweat.

"In fact I would like to think I still am. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings in a way most people would understand, I mean just look up the lyrics to the song Me. So to express my own feelings to Skylar's passing I'd like to read a poem by W. H. Auden;

'Stop all the clocks, cut off from the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum,
bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let the aero planes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message,
He Is Dead.
Put the crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday night rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought love would last forever;
I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
poor away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.'"