41: Allow

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I was trying so hard to keep my fear away. His Highness Nan King became the new monarch.

If my lady was here, she'd agree with me; everything about His Majesty changed.

He.. changed for the worse.

"She must have told you something. So write. I want you to write everything you know."

His Majesty surveyed my face for a moment before he opened his mouth again, "Years ago, I know you were there every time the lady paid the eunuchs and maids to feed me. To sent me food and medicine. If my fever didn't go down, she'd asked the physician to checked on me, to bring me back to health."

"Aside from that, her personal guard.." He glanced at Lu Kai, his four limbs gone.

"..was loitering outside my palace and sometimes dared to set his foot in my room, spying on me. Every time I narrowly escaped the assassination attempts of my enemies, her guards would always show up to protect my life."

"At that time, I was overly suspicious. She must've want something from me. Either she pitied me or she's playing with me." He said resolutely.

"When I was in the Southern border, when I successfully crushed the Chu Empire, fighting battles and struggling to keep my life.."

I was surprised when a broken smile touched the corners of his mouth.

"General Ming, General Rong. All these years, I know that I was surrounded by her people. She hired them to protect me, to be my friend and to assist me accomplishing my goals."

The emperor knitted his brows.

"But why? Why did that person helped me?" His voice became somewhat unsteady.

"And so why.. when I came back from the war, why was she pretending not to see me?"

I braced myself against the memories running through my head. Tears coursed down my cheeks.

"You promised me that you will forget everything and live well. Jin'er, you have to live well." My lady was too pitiful and so kind-hearted. I was wrong. This bloody monarch doesn't deserved my lady.

At all.

"Why, when I can finally proved myself, why did she left me?"

"I want to know everything. I want to understand her. Everything about her. I need to know."

I trembled when he pointed at Lu Kai meanwhile Lu Kai weakly shook his head to me. "Write or else that person.. will die."

My hand moved. Every stroke contains resentment, anger and fear; the lives he took, the lives he sacrificed and the lives he wasted.

I couldn't help thinking the life of the lady had also been wasted. Her efforts, her dreams and her hope.

"His Highness Nan King is different. This world solely belongs to him. This world was created for him. Remember Jin'er, we must protect him."

"Because protecting him is protecting me. If something were to happen to him, I might.. get trap."

When I put down the ink brush, the eunuch quickly presented the letter to the emperor.

After reading the note, His Majesty laughed loudly. His laugh echoed throughout the dungeon.

I wrote; 'My lady protected you. She died because of you. You killed her. If my lady found out what you did to the Prime Minister House, she'd definitely hate you. You tyrant!'

"I.. killed her? Hate me?" His words were forced through clenched teeth. His laugh was short and humorless. Cold and sinister.

"I just want the truth. I have a lot of questions. So you must tell me. Where the hell is she? Where is the lady?!"

The chair tilted; his hand found my throat, choking me. "Return her to me! Give her back to me!"

A shadow crossed his face as I struggled for air.

"I need to see her. Let me see her!"

"She can't leave me in this world alone. She can't." The emperor twisted his face in a mock laugh like a total lunatic.

His dark eyes blazed.

"Huh. If you don't plan to write anymore, then there's no need to keep your limbs, right? Because like your tongue, they are also useless."

——

"Shi'er, my daughter."

"Mom, don't go. Mom, please.. I'm scared."

The day I returned to the real world, I immediately traveled from the city to the province. I hugged Mom so hard. I cried and I told Mom I missed her. I thanked her for raising me up. But my gorgeous Mom only laughed at my sobbing face.

"It's okay. Mom is here."

I apologized to Mom, to all the bad things I've said. She also apologized for hiding her illness from me.

"Mom, I love you."

"My daughter. My youngest, Mom also love you."

I applied for leave and eventually resigned from my workplace so that I can take care of Mom at the hospital. My other older siblings also put their effort to make Mom happy amidst of their busy career lives.

Months later, Mom died due to lung cancer. My siblings and I cried. We mourned. Grief, depression and acceptance. It was a process for us to heal; that's what Liu Mei said.

Nevertheless I'm just.. grateful that I was with Mom before she passed away, that I could wipe her tears when she cried.

'That I could smile with her for the last time.'

"Mom, why is it so hard to find a young and handsome CEO?"

I pouted.

"Anyway, I told you I'll bring your favorite flower. Tada! So don't be sad anymore, okay?"

Placing the plum blossom on her tomb, I smiled widely. "These days, getting confused between the modern and ancient era.. the real and novel world, still makes me annoyed to death. But at least, they are becoming less and less. Don't worry anymore, Mom. I'm getting better."

'I think I'm having a trust issue with my sanity now.'

I slept for one night and when I woke up, it totally changed me. I spent five years in the novel world but it was equivalent to only one night in the real world. I wanted to think that the the five years I spent there were just a dream; however the scar didn't allow me.

'Scar? Yes. That same scar!'

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