Lost in Love

Chapter 11 - Changes

As we head into the hair salon, I question if this is something I really want to do. I mean, I've never cut my hair like that, it's always ever been at least chin length, if not longer. I know my parents wouldn't approve of it, but I really don't care. I know this is something that is truly me, so why am I waiting?
The hairdresser comes to me after a few minutes of us waiting and asks if I'm ready. To which I reply that I am. Bella waits in the chairs for me.
I show the lady a photo of what I want, an image of Mae Martin.
"I don't want to go to short."
She nods and gets to work. I slowly feel the hair fall, like weight lifted off my shoulders. It's a simple thing really. When it comes to hair, it will grow back if I don't like it. But I can't imagine this going wrong.
When it's done, I finally look in a mirror and... I see me. I love it. It's something I never believed I could do, because I always thought my parents would be angry at me for "looking like a boy."
Bella immediately exclaims to me, "you look amazing!"
She comes over and I can't help rubbing my hand on the hair that just grazes my neck.
"So, you like it then?"
"Yes! But that isn't the point, do you?"
"Yeah. I'm really glad I did this."
We get back to Ryan's and I know everyone is home, my nerves shake a bit, but that is put to rest quickly. Mrs. Jeffery tells me that she is happy I'm happy. Mr. Jeffery says it looks good. And Ryan, he looks at me and I know he sees what I see. He knows this is really me and that I am finally showing it.
While most of me knew the Jeffery's wouldn't say anything bad about it, especially since it was my choice, the part of me that still feels the issues of my parents abandonment was worried that they would hate it. They really do treat me like I'm blood to them. Like I told my parents, the Jeffery's are my family. They have been there for me forever, when no one else was... when I wasn't even there for myself.
I've been lost more times than I can count, and I know I'm far from being found, in any aspect of the word, but I know I can eventually find myself. Now that I've stopped worrying that my parents opinion was the most important thing in the world, I feel like I can relax and just take my time in finding who I really am, after years of pushing it all away.
The night follows quickly, and of course being that it's a school night, the Jeffery's are ready for bed by 9:30 and Bella is too. I wish I could say the same. She slides under the covers while I throw on an over sized button up.
I lay awake, unsure of what it is that is keeping me like this. I don't mind it for once. For once I'm not awake scared.
Scared of my parents opinion or angry at them. Scared of this girl finding the truth, that I like her and calling me out for it. Or scared that I'll lose the last bit of family I have left here.
Instead, my thoughts relay around Bella, around what's happened this week and what the future holds.
I haven't talked with Bella about her plans after high school. Personally, I'm staying here, going to the small university in town, since I don't have a ton of money to go elsewhere. Ryan is leaving town for university at the end of the summer. It's only a few hours from here, but I hate the thought of not having my best friend with me.
I know he says he's coming back, but it will be at least four years before he's done. A lot can change in four years, a lot can change in a week, a lot can change... in a day. But I know I have time, it's only fall and while winter is just around the corner, summer is still months away, and for now, that's all that matters.
I decide to bring my thoughts back a bit closer to where I am now, in time. What's the plan when Bella and I go back to my place next week. When we were there before, she stayed in my room, while I stayed on the couch, and now we share the bed here. I don't know if this is gonna continue at home, or if I'll go back to the couch. Either way it's fine, but I can't help wondering what may be different once we are on our own again.
It also hits me that, with my parents currently at the house, our first day back at the house, is gonna mean grocery shopping and probably a mess to clean up. Since the two adults eat practically everything and leave the house looking like it belongs to a group of frat boys.
Bella is curled up on my arm. I don't want to move and disturb her, at least one of us should get a good nights sleep.
Eventually my mind stops and I find myself opening my eyes to Bella standing by the dresser, pulling on one of my hoodies.
I glance at the window, it's still dark, "hey," I yawn and rub my eyes.
She turns her attention over to me, as she adjusts the base of the hoodie, "hey, morning."
"What time is it?"
She grabs her phone, "five after six."
"Oh, why are you up so early?
"I don't know, I opened my eyes about 15 minutes ago and haven't been able to go back to sleep," she pauses, "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, but it wouldn't have mattered either way, I don't mind getting up early."
She sits down on the bed next to me, where I'm still trying to wake up.
I grin, while leaning on my arm, "didn't you bring any of your sweaters here with you?"
She glances down, "yeah, but I prefer yours."
I exhale, with a slight chuckle in my breath, "fair enough."
I run my hand through my hair, while scratching my head. I think for a moment, of what to do before school, since we have just under three hours before it starts, and the Jeffery's won't be up for at least an hour and a half.
"Are you cool going out this early?"
"Yes?" She tilts her head towards me, "where?"
"You'll see, let's just get our school stuff so we can go there after, and I'm gonna get dressed really quick."
"Okay," she pulls her bag on the bed.
"So, you packed that too in the 20 minutes you've been up?"
"Yup."
"Alright then, I'll be right back."
I leave a note on the counter to let Mrs. Jeffery know that we are going out, and that we'd see her after school.
When we get to the first stop, I hold her hand as we walk up a hill that's in a field. We get to the top and sit, where we get to enjoy the sunrise. One nice thing about the colder months, it's a lot easier to catch the sunrise. I have my arm around her and her head is leaning on me.
Once the colours have faded to blue, I stand up and take her hand to pull her up as well.
"One more place," I take her to my favourite restaurant. It's a little antiquity place that I used to go on "girls day outs" with Mrs. Jeffery.
It's decorated like a diner from the 80's and it's so much fun. We sit across from each other at one of the booths and start checking out the menu. I'm not much for breakfast or anything, but the milkshakes are killer.
We both order and enjoy our time, making sure to keep track of it so we aren't late for school. We get going with 25 minutes before school starts, just so we can run to our lockers.
"You know you didn't have to pay, you literally only got a drink."
"The whole idea was me taking you out for breakfast, so I was obviously gonna pay."
"Well, thank you. It was really nice."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you are up for it, we could make this a weekly thing, or something?"
"I'd like that."
While we're walking, I pull out my phone and show her the photos I took while we were there, and waiting for our orders. I really love any opportunities to take photos, especially when I have a gorgeous person in them.
After going to our lockers and meeting up with Ryan, we go our separate ways, and Bella and I hold hands down the halls as usual. The thing that surprises me is when I'm about to let go of her hand at the class door, she continues to hold mine into the room, which we've never done before.
We still have a few minutes before the bell and there is pretty much no one in the class, so Bella comes over and pulls a chair up to my desk. We sit and talk, holding one another's hand on the table.
Once class is over Bella comes to my desk, and takes my hand again. Before we go our separate ways, she stops me and kisses me quick, leaving me smiling and blushing—and slightly confused. I'm not used to us kissing in the halls, at least when there are so many people still moving about. And on that note, not as used to her having the same boldness back that she had the first night she kissed me.
I can't stop myself grinning throughout the day. Today started really great—got a bit boring, but I'm still grinning.
Ahh, fifth period, finally. When we get in, we find out we can sit wherever because we're watching a movie. An actual movie, not just a documentary. Ryan and I stay in our spots and Bella comes to sit with us. She pulls her chair to my desk. We enjoy the movie and I just sit and draw throughout the hour. I keep my left hand on Bella's leg, and her hand rests on top.
When it's over, I go to close my notebook and Bella stops me to look at my drawing.
"That's really cool."
Ryan pops his head over and agrees with her.
"It's nothing crazy."
"Doesn't make it any less cool."
I glance down. I mean, it's not a normal drawing for me during class. I drew skeleton hands showing it's heart behind the bones of the chest.
I close the book and we get going.
Mrs. Jeffery is working today, so we are walking back to Ryan's.