Delilah

46-This Is A Lot

This is a lot. 

Waking up this morning it felt like the nerves were eating me alive. 

Cole was still fast asleep as I slip into the bathroom to shower. 

After my shower I stare at myself in the mirror for honestly I am not sure how long. 

I think about how it will go today, seeing him. What will he look like? How will it go? Will I see his parents? Is he even still here?

There is a knock on my door and I turn my head at Cole's voice, "You ok baby?" He asks. 

"Uh yeah." I say softly. I finish getting ready before leaving the bathroom. 

Cole slips in and does what he needs to do as I get changed. 

I put on a pair of black high waisted jeans and a long sleeve yellow shirt. 

Cole comes out a few minutes later and gets dressed as well. 

I contemplate texting Bailey of my plans but I know she would tell me its a bad idea to see him. So I decide to wait until after everything to tell her. 

Once Cole is ready we head out. Cal is already gone since he has a class today. 

I make Cole drive us since I am so nervous, directing him along the way. 

As we get closer to his house I feel as if I might throw up. 

Cole pulls over on the side of the road, "Maybe you shouldn't do this." He says his eyes filled with worry. 

I shake my head, "I have to." I need to. 

"Delilah you look like you are five seconds from throwing up." He says and I laugh even though nothing is funny. 

I twist the engagement ring on my finger, "I'm fine Cole I promise." I say and he grabs my hand squeezing it, "If at any point you want to turn around or anything tell me." He says and I nod. 

Pulling back on the road we are at his house less than two minutes later. 

My hands feel clammy and I am sure Cole notices but he doesn't say anything. 

Putting the car in park he turns to me, "You want me to come with you?" He ask and I nod. I don't think I can do this alone. 

Taking a deep breath I get out of the car. 

Cole follows me up the steps to the front door where I halt. 

You can do this, you're brave. I chant in my head. 

Then I knock on the door. 

A few seconds later and Matt's mom appears. 

She sees me and smiles, "Oh hi Delilah."

"Hi Mrs. Walters. Is Matt here?" I ask and her brows furrow, "You didn't hear?"

My insides twist, "Hear what?" I ask and she sighs opening the door wider. 

"Maybe you should come inside."

We step inside and follow her to the living room. The house is cold and a chill runs through me. 

Sitting down on the couch, she sits on the chair in front of us. 

"Oh this is Cole." I say and she smiles at him. 

"So what happened to Matt?" I ask curiously. 

I wonder if he died. 

Oh gosh I realize that sounded super morbid. 

"Last year Matt got into some heavy drugs. Started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Him and his friends decided it would be fun to break into someones house. They stole a bunch of stuff and the man who lived there I guess came home and turns out for some reason Matt and his friends all had guns on them-" She wipes a tear that fell down her face. 

"No one got seriously hurt but one of the guys shot the man who's house it was. He only needed stitches but Matt and his friends got arrested and got charged. He's stuck in prison for five year, my baby boy." She cries and I sit there emotionlessly. 

He deserves more than five years in prison. 

Cole rubs my back as I process the information. 

Five years isn't long but at least I have four years before he is released. Four years to be here and feel free. 

"You were always so good for him Delilah. I never understood why you guys separated, you made him better." She says and I can feel Cole clenching his fists beside me. 

His parents never knew what Matt put me through. His mom worked a night shift at the hospital and his dad traveled for work. They were oblivious to all of it. The only reprieve I had was when they were around, because when they were Matt was a saint. 

"I wish he was good for me Kelly." I say honestly. At some point I truly loved him, and at the end of the day he abused that love. I was never good for him, I was someone he used because he was mentally sick.

She shakes her head, "Matt was so in love with you dear. He talked about how heartbroken he was when you left. Said he couldn't understand why. I think that's why he turned to drugs." She says and I bite my lower lip. 

I couldn't have been the reason he turned to drugs. Theres no way. 

Before I have time for those thoughts to brew, Cole basically stomps on them and squishes them. 

"I know you don't know me Kelly but I know what your son did to Delilah. He wasn't in love with her and I can't sit here and watch you basically blame her for the reason he's in jail. If she went to the police with what had happened to her he would've been in there longer." She looks up tears in her eyes. 

"He was good."

"He was sick Kelly." I tell her, "When you and Rick were away he was abusive. Mentally and physically." I tell her feeling the tears behind my eyes. 

She looks at me in disbelief, "He wouldn't."

"He did and I am sorry that you had to find out like this or at all. I wanted to move past it so I came here I am not quite sure what I was looking for I just couldn't live in fear of him anymore. I know he's your son and maybe you will never accept what he did to me but that doesn't stop the fact that he did hurt me." I say standing. 

I can't stay in this house. 

Cole stands with me and we begin to walk towards the front door. 

"I'm sorry for my sons actions." Kelly says from the living room, "I am sorry too." I say and we leave. 

Once we are outside I collapse in Cole's arms. 

"You're ok." He whispers soothingly in my ear. 

"He's actually gone." I say relieved. 

"I know baby, I know." 

He holds me until I calm down. 

Once we are back at the house I call Bailey to tell her the news. 

Cal makes us dinner again and then that night I take Cole to the diner for shakes. 

As we sit there talking I realize that now I can finally breathe.