My dearest Ben,
I cried myself to sleep again - I miss you so, so much. I feel sick and weak and tired. I can't function properly. My mum says I look ill. She makes me go out in the garden for 10 minutes every day because I never go out. I never exercise. I'm not sleeping properly even though I'm so tired. I don't take care of myself. Even my friends are worrying about me, but at least I can talk to them. Meela messaged you and then told me, and Beatrice sent you my autobiography that I had to do for English. Your are not a bad friend, no way. No way no way no way no way. I love you. I love you Ben.
I used to think "another day without Ben" whenever I woke up. Now I think "one step closer". Although, I do have doubts about whether I am going to see you again. It's hard to be positive right now. Sometimes I get "A Thousand Years" in my head, so I learnt it on piano so I can sing my heart out and hope it reaches you. "One step closer...I have died a thousand times waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more."
I got "Broken Sky" out from the library. You know it as the one with the scorpion on the front, or the one I used to read back in Charlestown when texting you and you used to try and guess what page I was on.
I had a horrible day. When I told my friends how I felt they were all like, "You're fighting as hard as you can, we're so proud of everything you've done, don't give up now, we love you so so so much and we don't know what we'd do without you." That's not going to change the situation or make anything better. People just say the same old stuff like it's immediately going to change how I feel. And of course Beatrice got all worried and kept calling me. I ignored it.
I kinda felt better when I was drawing and listening to music, but after that my mum started yelling at me for stupid reasons like trying to be warm and Ada keeps crying and everyone talks about me behind my back thinking I can't hear so I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up. I wanna die. I can't take it.
Love you so much.
Yours,
Eloise xxx
YOU ARE READING
Waiting for a Miracle
Non-FictionMy name is Eloise. What you are about to read is a diary of events in my life. A year ago I was forbidden from seeing my best friend, Ben, and I fell into depression. I decided to start writing a diary to him so he wouldn't miss out on everything I...
