Waiting for a Miracle

16th May 2021

My dearest Little Nuggest,

Ahhhh I'm so happyyyy!!!!!!

I finally got to see you!!! Oh, I could scream I'm so happy!! Okay, okay! Here's the story!

I was drawing in the conservatory when my mum asked me how I was feeling. I said, "Urm...I don't know. I don't feel much." What a lie! I was so excited! It had been way too long. "Better that than feeling something," she replied. Ha, yeah sure.

Then I ran through the rain to get to the car, immersing myself in the world of Twilight before my excitement could show. We were off. I looked up from my book occasionally to watch the rain fall.

We parked next to your car. Even that car held so many memories of us together! My heart was beating so fast. This was it. Finally. "How do you feel now?" my mum asked me.

"A little nervous." I wasn't lying this time. I put on my mask, walked into the church...and there you were. I hoped for a seat behind you so I would actually be able to see you. We were right at the back! Perfect!

Throughout the service I was thinking of ways to show you I loved you without getting caught. Not then, just whenever. I didn't think of anything, but mark my words, I will. Oh yes.

Lenny was talking about Ada standing up and walking around. "Look at her!" he said. Please turn around, please turn around...you turned around! I finally saw your face other than in my mind! The whole time I wondered what you were thinking. Wish I could read minds like Edward (Twilight). You and Nina spoke a couple of times, and I longed to be a vampire like Edward so I could have heard your voice.

My mum was asking if I was okay a lot. I was more than okay! I felt like crying I was that happy! I so wished I could have ran up to you and hugged you.

It was over too soon.

Outside we got stopped by Kevin. I was able to see your face again there. Kevin gave us some plants (I don't even know - he just pulled them from the ground) and I watched as you turned around the corner to leave. I saw one last glimpse of your face in your car before you went. I noticed you were sat in the same place you were whenever we had ticjle wars in the car.

I decided to keep the plant Kevin gave me - it was a souvenir from the day I was able to see you again. I get to see you every week. I really hope this helps my depression.

I saw that Chegg had cut all her hair off. Okay, now I am almost certain she is gay. I suspected before with her grunge style clothing. Then my suspicions grew when Kim commented on Chegg's Instagram post saying "very gay". I can't know for sure unless I ask though. Can't do that though, what am I supposed to say? "Hey I've been suspecting that you're gay for like a year now"?? Yeah, that oughta go down well.

Anyway, I was on a high for the rest of the afternoon. Singing and dancing and talking to inanimate objects and Imaginary Ben while working on my room (seriously, I have hundreds of nendoroids - it's insane). My family didn't suspect a thing, since I composed myself whenever they came to see my progress. I know I say it a lot, but acting is easy.

I'm sat writing this in the middle of the night with my Hatsune Miku LED light on. It's like a miniature version of those really cool retro ones you get at concerts by the merch. Like a cardboard cut-out, but it's glass and only the lineart lights up (aka the outline if you don't understand my art terms). I have a remote with hundreds of buttons which controls it. I can change the colour, brightness and add loads of cool effects. It makes me feel powerful.

Earlier when Kyran was hanging stuff up on my walls, I asked if I could do it. "You can't be trusted with a hammer," he replied. "You're too dangerous."

"True," I agreed, nodding. No shame.

I then had that song "If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning..." in my head. But I'd translated it into German, and so instead I was singing, "Wenn ich einen Hammer hätte, würde hämmern ich Morgens..."

Oh and I raided the dried mango in the cupboard.

No shame.

I love you so much! It was good to see you again!

Yours,
Eloise xxx