Life SUCKS.

Mood swings.

   *DEAR DIARY*

           My life is messed up,I lost my dad when I was ten. Just few years ago,but I'm left with a scar. A scar I would never get rid of,it can't be physically seen,but  it's emotionally there. I feel that scar growing every single day. What did I ever do to deserve a father like mine. Nooo he is not my father,he was just lucky to have his blood running through me. I feel disgusted that I'm his,why him? God! why does it hurt  this much. I mean it's been years since he passed away but no,when I'm sad I think of him.

    How could he have done that to my mother. We were never like this,we used to live big,not like Sofia but atleast we were comfortable. My mum might not have finished her education,but she struggled and made it big. My mum's a fighter, probably why I love her so much. My dad on the other hand was a coward,a cheat,a selfish and useless man who had no impart on our lives. He was only born to cause us pains but thank God he is gone now.

   I used to love my dad. I used to love him so so much. I mean he was once my role model. But as they say,the older we get......the wiser we become. I can't still believe i once used to enjoy his company. I was such a naive little girl,back when I still lived in an estate. We were one big family,until mum and dad began to quarrel. From little fights to major ones. I didn't know why,I didn't understand...back then I was barely 8years old. Buh the fights didn't stop,it continued. Every single day I cried myself to bed,the fights became more frequent. To the stage when dad started hitting mum,I was helpless. My sister was helpless and my brother was so little...he didn't even understand what was going on. He was always focused on his toys,he had nothing to worry about. I turned 9, nothing changed... everything was only getting worse..I was tired of seeing my parents like that. What happened to the love they shared?

         I took my prayers so seriously,I prayed to God like my life depended on it. My only hope was for things to get back to normal. I can remember vividly how my mum was slapped...not like she wasn't used to it. It only hurt her more,it only hurt me more because she was slapped outside in front of the neighbors. She was humiliated,I was humiliated...how could my dad have done that. I couldn't take it anymore,I knew I had to grow up. I knew my mum needed me more than before. I knew I had to be strong for her. I knew I needed to act and think like an adult. My dad might be my superman,buh my mum is my shield. She is my hope,my light,my strength...I couldn't see her in pains. And I knew I needed to know what was going on, i had to confront her and I did.

     *** Throwback ***

"Mum i know you think I'm little but I'm not. We're your kids,this has been going on for a year now. You need to tell us and I'm not going to let you shut me up again,okay!". Ella spoke gently, it was obvious she was worried.
     "It's going to be fine kids, I and your dad are just brushing off some stuffs".
    "Don't even mum, pleaseeeee I might be 10 years old...but you know I'm way smarter. I'm your Treasure mum,I can't bear to see you like this. Forget about how little I'm,fact is we care for you and want to share in your happiness or sorrow".
     "Please mum..." I and Ella said amidst tears. We were both sobbing loudly. My mum moves closer and wipes away our tears.
    "Don't cry my babies,I thought I could handle this myself. But looks like I'm wrong. Promise me you won't breakdown".
     "We promise mum" I replied hurriedly, sniffing.

     "Okay,well I lied to you. Your dad is not and was never a banker. He is just a lazy man. He doesn't like to work,but likes to enjoy the money. I even looked for jobs for him and if not the next day, before the week runs out he is sacked. And the reasons are always very stupid,like the last job I looked for him last year,he turned it down. He turned down the monthly salary of N100,000 but he likes to spend the money I get from my canteen. Everyday he was always taking my money,I didn't complain back then because I was comfortable. Ever since you were born,your father has never hustled. Everything we own,the car,the canteen,the washing machine,every single thing..I bought it,name it.. the expenses was all me. Every single thing was all me", My mum was beginning to breakdown. I quickly handed her a glass of water,I needed to hear all of it today.