Life SUCKS.

Just anything for the one you love

     "Where is all these coming from Samuel. How can you ask for something that big?"
   "In class,you said you can do anything for me! So what's with the whole drama?".
    "Is that all you have to say. You're being so rude. We're meant to reason together. Who poisoned your mind? Who brought up this silly idea in your head".

    "Treasure I thought you love me. Honestly I thought you did. You should be able to do just anything for the one you love no matter how hard it is. I thought you loved me". He said sitting down slowly. And I felt he was going to breakdown. I won't ever take that! I won't allow anyone breakdown because of me. Especially when it involves Samuel. I mean he said his friends do it? So why can't I do it I'm not different. I'm human just like them.

    "Samuel, really I love you. But isn't there anything else you want. I mean sex is meant for the married ones,yunno".
    "If you can't do it. Please leave! But know one thing. The moment you leave that door we're over", he screamed. I can't do this. It's just too hard. I was keeping it for someone special. Samuel should be considered special right? He is my ideology of the 'perfect man'.
Would it be right to give it to him. My mum would have frowned at something like this. I can't do this. If she finds out I'm dead. I should hurry home. I have overstayed.

    I began to walk towards the door slowly. And just when I was right in front of it,his words started to echo in my head.
  "The moment you leave that door we're over". Over and over again,it kept playing that silly tune in my head. He has been the best boyfriend ever to me. If that's the only thing he wants,why can't I give it to him? I mean why will he choose me, 'the scholarship girl'.

      I'm not even attractive. We have been dating for three years now! He could have asked for it since,but he didn't. He was patient thinking I would eventually give it to him myself. But I have always been too stupid to understand his wants. He must have been laughed at by his friends for going so long without that 'intimate touch'. I don't want to loose him as my boyfriend. And I know,the moment I leave this door and 'we're over' I will be depressed. I need him. I need someone to support me. Plus,I just lost a bestfriend today? Anyone in my shoes, wouldn't mind doing it.

    I turned and looked at my shoes shyly. "If that's what you want I will do it,but you have to be gentle. I haven't done it before". And he smiled. It felt good to see him smile. But,I felt there was something behind that smile. Something he was hiding,but before I could reason more about it,the smile was gone and he was right in front of me.
           *****************
     Samuel's driver dropped me at the last junction from home. So I got home quickly. Thank God,he told his driver to drop me off,if not I would have had to trek like always and my mum would have figured. I slowly walked inside and no one was home. I unlocked the doors and sat down to think about everything. Since I accepted to do what he asked of me,there this feeling in me that didn't accept it. I feel like Samuel isn't the one. But he has been my boyfriend for so long. But the feeling is there, reminding me every second that I lost my virginity to someone who isn't worth it. That feeling isn't my conscience. It's as if my inner being didn't just approve of Samuel.

    I stood up and drank two cups of water to clear my mind. Samuel had gave me some pills to take, saying it will take care of the pains and it did. And it felt like it was all planned out. Like,why does he have such pills in the first place? How long has he been plotting to sleep with me? Was I foolish enough to actually have given in?

     "No Treasure,stop overthinking. You did the right thing. You know deep down Samuel does love you. He just has a problem with how he expresses it. By tomorrow, I'm sure everything will be alright. We will go back to the way we were before. And he will stop avoiding me and finally, Sofia will know that sometimes you can be wrong! What matters right now is proving her wrong. I can't believe she would disown me just because of a boy. Classic Sofia, dramatic Sofia, abeghiii, nobody should come and dull my mood".