Where You Belong :: junhao

WYB :: 88

i forgot to published this yesterday ㅋㅋㅋ here it goes ~ happy 1st of september!! 💚

*junhui*

"keep breathing please... breathe for me baby. just keep on breathing, you got this okay? keep breathing... inhale, exhale."

i was staring at my mom who're crying in front of me as she keep telling me to do one thing. . which was to breathe. while dad was doing nothing but to tell to the doctors and nurses to do everything to keep me back to my sane. . to my hearts normal beating. . to my breaths normal breathing as doctors keep on pumping a tank on my side as i was doing nothing but to open my mouth and tried to take everything they're giving me at this moment.

all of the people here including my parents was pacing back and forth as they keep on saying terms i dont know whats the purpose and they keep telling me to do one thing. . and it was to keep on breathing even though i couldn't. i couldn't breathe properly, my chest was shrinking making me hard to take everything they're giving me. . even the oxygen they're trying to keep me medicated.

the sounds of multiple voices coming from different owners had me woken up from my deep sleep and even though my eyes was stinging so much due to i dont know what happened, i still tried to open my eyes just to be greeted by my moms crying voice as dad trying to consol her, then my cousins parents and doctor and nurses inside this suffocating room. i dont know what they are talking about but seeing how my mom was crying, i already had an idea inside my head about what happened.

and its none other than about me. it has always been about me. they never stop talking about me. they never stop telling to doctors and nurses to take good care of me. . they never stop showing me enough that i was being programmed. they never stop, they never did.

"you do really want to die huh wen junhui?! did how many times do i have to tell you that you cant live a normal life?! you cant be like others! for fucksake please understand your situations! maawa ka sa sarili mo!"

"honey please. . its bad for junhui's health." dad tried to shushed mom from yelling everything shes been feeling to me but guess that dad couldn't do anything.

mom shook her head. "i cant lose you, you know that! ive lost fengjun already. . so please. . please have mercy on me, i dont want you to end up like your younger brother."

that time, i didnt say anything and just watched how my mom beg for me to finally understand my situations. . what i have, and what im supposed to do. which was honestly, alam ko naman kung ano lang yung dapat kong gawin, kung ano lang yung dapat kong sundin, at kung hanggang saan lang ako. ever since i was young, ive already knew all of that. . and day by day living on that suffocating cycle of my life, it had me sickening.

alam kong bawal. . alam kong hindi pwede, pero hindi naman masamang itry diba? hindi naman masamang subukan.

because first of all, im human too. i have almost perfect facial features, has both legs, both hands, a well-propotioned body. . i had everything. . even this disease. . the disease that made me feel like im not really a human, but a robot who do nothing but to follow what the regimen had told me to do, doctors and nurses advices and so many more. it had me so much that i couldnt take it and all that i want to feel was to be one of the humans, because why cant i?

i want to feel more like human so i tried not taking my meds, not following the regimen, ignore all my parents, doctors and nurses call for me and just live like other humans are doing. . i showed them enough that i could live without those medicines, that i can make it on my own, that i can be human too, that i dont need nor have to follow anything nor anyone and just live my life until i die with this fucking disease inside my body. . but not when i met this man.