I walked out of Syn's room with worry creasing my features and guilt tearing at my heart. It was clear that he was spiraling, but I never thought that it was this bad. Panic attacks were bad enough, but it was even more worrying that this was the first one he had that I knew of.
How long has he been this way? How long has he kept it from me?
Our friendship was never a fully two-sided interaction. I'd be the one to spill my emotions and nonstop rambling about my day, and he'd be a dam. I was positive he'd been one longer than he'd known me and I wondered if the water had filled to the brim. Had he started to flood without any of us knowing or were we still preparing for it?
Regardless of all of that, our friendship had solely prepared me to deal with his abrasive attitude and impulsive actions. It's what I was an expert at after all of these years. I didn't know the first thing about what to do if he was sad or crying. I never envisioned that being able to happen to Syn and I got comfortable with our dynamic.
I ignored the music from the party in the distance and sighed as I walked through the dark halls on his floor. What do I do? I told him that he didn't have to open up to me, but I wasn't sure if that was for him or myself? Was it because I was unsure of my ability to be there for him...or because I could sense how deep these issues ran?
Maybe it was a mixture of both, but it still left me puzzled and unsure of things.
There was only one person I was sure could at least alleviate some of the stress he was going through, but she dislikes us both. I wasn't even sure she'd answer if I called her. My cellphone number was blocked and I was desperate enough to email her...but I didn't have her email.
I went down the stairs and walked past a woman laughing on the phone with somebody, and an idea popped into my head. "Excuse me, ma'am?"
"Yes?" She moved the phone away from her head and looked up at me curiously.
"Would you mind if I made a call on your phone? My father is in the hospital, but my phone is dying." Her face dropped at my explanation and she quickly told whoever she was on the call with that she'd call them back. I felt a pang of guilt as she passed me her phone and gave me a comforting smile.
This is for Syn, I reminded myself.
After years of random calls and check-ins, Queen's number was engraved in my mind. I just hoped she didn't change it.
I dialed her phone number and let out a sigh of relief when it rang. I looked around anxiously as I waited, and when a voice answered the phone, I immediately hung up. "Shit." I didn't know that I'd be nervous about speaking to her at all. It's been a few months, but I thought I'd be braver than that.
I called the number once again, more determined this time. She picked up on the second ring this time, and when I heard her voice once again, I was reminded of the reasons I was doing this.
"Hello?" She asked again.
"Hey Queen, it's me."
"Me who....?" She questioned slowly.
Ouch.
"Xavier."
"Oh."
꧁꧂
Author's Note
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