𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

18. 𝑃𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑃𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠

May 3, 2023

Queen

He pulled me back into the house gently and I relaxed into his hold, letting him. It felt good to not resist, but I knew it'd be temporary. The emotional impact of the shit I had said to him didn't truly hit me until I left the condo and stepped into the long stairwell. We both said some hurtful things, but I'd never seen that look on his face after what I said.

It was like I broke him.

He rubbed my back until I calmed down and laid a kiss on the top of my head. "Stop crying, it's fine."

"No, it's not." I sniffled. "I feel really bad."

"Don't."

"It's not that simple." I frowned as I looked up at him. He sighed and cupped my cheeks before wiping my tears and I took a deep breath.

"It can be," he said casually. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you?" I whispered. Before my question, he looked determined...somehow stone-like in his belief that he was truly okay. But with a soft laugh and a small smile...I knew he was completely lying to me.

His charming smile didn't quite reach his eyes and I could hear the slight pain in his forced laugh. Perfectly fine, was the last thing he was. "I promise you." You're lying to me. "I'm fine, Queen."

In the past, I never truly studied his expressions as I did now. I relied on his words to tell me everything since he seemed so truthful when it came to his feelings...but what if he was only telling me what I wanted to hear? How many times in the past did he assure me he was okay when he wasn't? Did he lie to me to keep me from asking questions or to keep a boundary between us?

I nodded slowly and put my hands over his. I slowly removed them from my cheeks and held them in front of me and looking at them. I could see new scars along his knuckles and hands and I sighed as I let my hands caress them. "You're never going to fully open up to me, are you?"

"I'm more open with you than I am with anyone."

"That doesn't answer my question, Syn." I tilted my head to look back up at him and he closed his eyes before shaking his head.

"No, I'm not," he answered.

"Even if it means that I'll come back home?"

"I can't," he said in a soft but stern voice.

"You can't or you won't, Syn?"

"Both."

Syn

She nodded and pulled her hands from mine. I ran my hand through my hair in irritation and looked away from her. What did it matter to her whether I told her everything or not? I was present, standing in front of her, and telling her I wanted her back. Who cares that there were a few things I wanted to keep to myself? It didn't mean I loved her any less.

"I should get back to Saint," I could practically see the translucent barrier forming around her as she stepped away from me.

"I'll drive you home."

"It's fine I can—"

"I'd like to see my son, Queen."

"Well if you ask him, he'd say he saw you a couple of days ago."

"I haven't seen him since he was at my house." I laughed softly.

"Sure," she said with a disbelieving nod. I looked at her in confusion for a few moments before clearing my throat and looking towards the stairs.